Regrets, I’ve had a few

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Kathryn Schulz did an amazing lecture on regret (Ted Lecture Best of 2011). She used her regret over getting a tattoo as an example, which I found amusing since to most folks, her tattoo is not spectacular in any way. She explored her intense feelings, which came in this order:

1. Denial (make it go away)

2. Bewilderment (how could I have done that?)

3. Punishment (I could kick myself)

4. Perseveration (infinite loop of above)

Ms. Schulz also explored the surprising fact that people actually feel worse when things that turned out badly almost turned out well. The project that was almost perfect, except for one tiny, fatal flaw. The job you didn’t get, though you were in the top two.

She encourages us not to hate ourselves for our regrets. We should love our flaws and the imperfect things we create. They are the lessons learned and the path to something better.

It is probably also true that we should have relatively few regrets. Holding on to any kind of bitterness just isn’t healthy or productive. Failure is one thing – you learn and you go on. Mournful regrets hang around like a bad rash.

Limiting regrets requires disciplining your mind. If you find yourself mentally re-hashing a painful moment, stop. (You may find it helpful to say the word “stop” out loud.) If there’s a lesson to be learned from the situation, jot that down. Then shove the memory in a remote mental closet and lock the door.

As Jonathan Larson said, “Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” 


Curiosity: A leadership superpower

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We are hard-wired to be critical of new ideas. Maybe it’s our Stone-Age brains in the forefront, avoiding risk in order to survive. Sometimes the urge to appear intelligent and decisive can result in too-swift judgment of something novel.

Art Markman’s blog on promoting a culture of smart thinking includes a tip on staying open to ideas. He recommends that you allow fresh information some “soak” time and try them out before you pass judgment.

Staying open to different viewpoints can only happen when we are willing to be wrong sometimes. We may also need to wrestle with some powerful emotions, such as anger or hurt. In these moments of vulnerability, curiosity is both difficult and much-needed.

If you’re like me, you may be programmed to quickly ask, “What’s her problem?” or “Is he nuts?”

To boost curiosity, try some new questions: “I wonder why he said that?” “What would that look like?” “How would that work?” “What do I like best about it?”

You may find that these questions will not only open your mind…it will unblock those of the people around you as well.

Need some help staying open-minded? Contact Humanergy.

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How do you end your day?

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Much is written about how to start the day. Eat a good breakfast, exercise, revise your to-do list, etc. How you end the day is just as important, if not more so. A good night’s sleep is essential for you to operate at your best. In fact, Margaret Heffernan wrote in Inc., if you lose just one night’s sleep, your cognitive ability is on par with someone who is legally drunk. Too little sleep also promotes the consumption of too much sugar, because your body over-reacts to reduced glucose going to the brain, a by-product of sleep deprivation.

If you don’t want to be chunky and ineffective, try these tips for a better night’s sleep:

Wrap it up with a plan. To begin the end of the day, make sure you know what your priorities for tomorrow will be. Then, to the best of your ability, turn off your work brain.

Unplug. This is always advised, but rarely done. Your final hour before bed should be “sans electronics.” Don’t surf the net or watch TV. Sorry, electronic junkies – between the bright light and the stimulation, these activities don’t promote restful sleep. Try reading, journaling, deep breathing or taking a bath instead.

Focus on the positives. When my daughter was younger, we used to snuggle in bed at night and tell each other about our favorite part of the day. That is a ritual worth recovering. Even if you decide not to share it with some else, you can always repeat Dr. Seuss’ famous words:  Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

Do something outward-focused. The best part of your day might be the 15 minutes you take to write a note to your mom or to a colleague outlining specifically how much she makes work enjoyable. Doing something nice for someone else gets you out of your own head. Then you can lay your head down on that pillow and have a great snooze.

Sweet dreams.

 

 

 

 


Are you a Tough Mudder?

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Phil, a fellow Humanergist, just returned from the Tough Mudder challenge held in South Amherst, Ohio. This is billed as “probably the toughest event on the planet.” The Tough Mudder is a 10 to 12 mile obstacle course designed by British Special Forces. Typical obstacles include navigating electric wires dangled above mud pits, swimming through ice water and running over every type of terrain you could imagine (and some you can’t).

It was difficult for me to understand the enthusiasm – even euphoria – that Tough Mudder participants exhibit. Phil summed it up by saying, “It was the best thing I’ve ever done. I overcame fears and erased perceived limitations that I’ve carried for years.”

As a leader, how would your outcomes be impacted if you took your continuous improvement to the extreme? How can you purposefully create situations that confront the fears or self-imposed limitations that are barriers to your full potential?

There are ways to stretch yourself and change profoundly – and these don’t involve mixing water and electricity.

Know yourself on a deeper level. Ask yourself, Am I really living the life I want? What fears hold me back? What self-imposed limitations do I operate within? With this fuller self-awareness, you can design your “Tough Muddler-like” change process. If your job is in sales but your passion is writing, you will only succeed if you link your challenge to what you really love.

Embrace pain. If you haven’t done something difficult in a while, seek out an opportunity to stretch in a way that is uncomfortable. Life-changing evolution involves moving out of your comfort zone. If it doesn’t hurt a little, you’re just tweaking. Learn Spanish in six months to set yourself up for an international assignment. Take leadership of that huge project at work and deliver value in the face of massive uncertainty.

Take yourself off autopilot. Even if you aren’t interested in a mind-blowing, life-changing experience, examine your daily routine and make a change. Either stop doing something that is counterproductive or start a behavior that will get you closer to your goals. Choose something tangible and go after it with a renewed ferocity. If you’ve always thought, “I should be a better communicator,” stop thinking and start doing. Commit to a new behavioral change, tell others and track your progress.

Being a Tough Mudder means approaching every day with zest and tenacity, with a commitment to push past fear and redefine “your best effort.” Sure, you may fail spectacularly. This new bold approach may also enable you to reach heights you’d never dreamed possible.

“Your best is whatever you can do comfortably without having a breakdown” J.R. Moehringer, The Tender Bar

Need help reaching your Tough Mudder potential? contact us

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Darn it! Does swearing make you colorful or crude?

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“Life is a four-letter word.” (Lenny Bruce)

One of the most influential memories from childhood involves my brother getting his mouth washed out with soap for uttering a swear word. I can’t recall the specific word, but I do remember the gagging, amidst promises never to repeat the offense. I was certainly careful to keep my own language G-rated in front of my mom after that disturbing event!

Truth be told, my language of late could merit some soap; and, I’m not alone. It seems that society today accepts, or at least tolerates, a certain level of profanity. When it comes to our kids and cussing, we often adopt a “do as I say, not as I do” attitude.

Is swearing at work no big deal? Or, does it mark you as a person who is not in control? I like the Evil HR Lady’s take on four-letter words in the CBS blog post called Swearing at Work. She says:

“Someone will argue that using swear words just shows who they really are; and, if you tell them to stop it, you’re suppressing their personality and creativity. I say any 13 year old can say dirty words; and, if you want to demonstrate your individuality and creativity, try saying something different.”

So why do I occasionally slip and use bad language? Sometimes I think it makes me feel better. It’s mildly cathartic. I also think it’s my way of saying, “I am really, really upset; so, pay attention!”

I wonder if I also subconsciously think letting a few expletives fly makes me more colorful and interesting – sort of the “bad girl” persona that contrasts with my solidly boring, Midwestern self. (In my own defense, I should note that I really don’t use bad language in a hurtful way – at least I certainly hope I don’t!)

All excuses aside, swearing isn’t really attractive or necessary to explain the amplitude of my feelings. It’s a lazy way to blow off some steam or be expressive. When choosing my words going forward, I vow to choose carefully. I will remember the wise words of the Evil HR Lady who said, “I have never heard anyone say, ‘Gee, I just love Bill’s foul mouth.’”

 Have needs that Humanergy can fill? contact us

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When two heads are not better than one

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(Guest blogger: Our very own Lynn Townsend, a Humanergy communications champion!)

Humanergy is all about teamwork – in the office, at home and helping our clients work together more effectively. Is there a time when going solo is better? We think so. Consider going it alone when:

Teaming doesn’t enhance results. If you don’t have to work collaboratively to be successful, don’t. The number one rule of teamwork is to involve people who will positively impact results.

Trust doesn’t exist. If you don’t trust the other person, then there’s work to be done to repair what’s broken. Schedule one-on-one conversations. Set mutually beneficial ground rules. Then begin the process (often a slow one) of rebuilding the relationship.

Misunderstandings block the road. If there is an elephant in the room—the metaphor for a big issue that hasn’t been resolved—name the elephant. Break apart the pieces of the misunderstanding together, talk about what went right and focus on solutions. Then, take the elephant where it belongs…to the zoo.

Facts, data and constant contradiction muddy the water. Does a prospective teammate continually spew knowledge? Is he an expert in every subject? Is she quick to point out the flaws in everything everyone else says? Hmmm…this can also be called intellectual bullying. Run; don’t walk, to find real experts that will help you push your results ahead.

Destinations are polar opposites. If your goals and potential team member’s goals are miles apart, going solo might be best. The alternative is to look for common ground. Understand where collaboration will work for your goals and theirs. Ask open-ended questions that help you know their needs and expectations. If you can’t collaborate now, keep their goals in mind for future opportunities.

Working with others can improve your success 128%. (Okay, the percentage is totally made up.) Or teaming can be a bust when there’s no trust, elephant-sized misunderstandings, intellectual bullying or divergent goals.

Babe Ruth reminds us: The way a team plays as a whole determines its success. You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don’t play together, the club won’t be worth a dime. Look at your action list today and potential partners. Ask yourself: “To team or not to team?”

 

For more team building tips, contact us at: info@humanergy.com

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Why being willing to learn is not enough

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One of our Humanergy team members is the poster child for learning and self-improvement. (Rather than embarrass him, let’s just call him Bob.) Once new information is available to Bob, he quickly assesses its merits. Will this improve my work with clients? If the answer is yes, Bob doesn’t just wait for an easy way to implement this new insight. He does his homework, analyzes best practices and immediately puts new ideas to work.

Bob is not just “willing” to learn something new. He’s passionately invested in getting better all the time. He’s all in, 100%.

Here’s how you can be a continuous learner like Bob:

Be a sponge and be choosy. It can be hard to wade through the myriad sources of information. Peruse likely sources of quality information for “news you can use.” Be selective about what you invest time in, recognizing that you can waste a lot of time exploring options that are impractical or not applicable.

Try it out. Through hands-on experience, use the new tool or technique. Then tweak it to be even more effective in real-world situations. (We call this Do and Learn.)

Share with others. Let others learn from your experience. Not only will they benefit; they may also have brilliant insights about how to better the ball… you know what they say about great minds.

What about you? Are you just willing, or are you relentless in your quest to learn and grow?

 

See a need that Humanergy can fill? contact us

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People who bug you have the most to teach you

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A wise woman said to me recently, “My goal is to spend more time with Sue Smith (not her real name). She really drives me nuts.” I was surprised, to say the least, as my friend is not one to suffer fools gladly. Noting my astonished reaction, she said, “You know, the people who bug you have the most to teach you.”

Carl Jung said, Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. In fact, some believe that what irritates you about others is something you dislike about yourself.

That means I must be prone to see the negative in a situation and am an immensely bad listener. Definitely some opportunities for growth there!

Who bugs you, and what can learn from them?

 

Do you think you could learn something from Humanergy? contact us

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It really IS all about you

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My mantra for 2012 is “me first.” Self-care is something I struggle with, since I usually define myself as the person who takes care of others. In fact, somewhere deep down, I believe that doing something for myself is selfish.

As difficult as this may be, you do need to prioritize yourself. Otherwise, you will not be as effective in any of your roles in life. If you need some excuses to put you first, here are a few:

You will live longer. Research shows that regular exercise, not smoking, drinking in moderation and eating at least 5 servings of vegetables and fruits a day will add 14 years to your life. (Think you don’t have time to exercise? Hey, you’ve just added 122,640 more hours to your life. You can squeeze it in.)

You won’t be as cranky. Exercise improves your mood. Need I say more?

Your brain will work better. An article in the New York Times promotes physical exercise over “brain exercises” like computer games or sudoku to boost our brains as we age.  In humans, exercise improves what scientists call “executive function,” the set of abilities that allows you to select behavior that’s appropriate to the situation, inhibit inappropriate behavior and focus on the job at hand in spite of distractions. Take a break for a noon workout or come in later, so you can hit the gym. You don’t need a better reason than enhancing that all-important executive function!

You will do more in less time. Corporate fitness programs have been shown to improve productivity. Ironically, the very executives who institute these programs are often the least healthy of the bunch. The excuse? They’re too busy. Your productivity as a leader matters as much as that of your employees. Don’t shirk your responsibility to bring your best self to work each day.

Exercise, eat right and get enough sleep. It sounds simple, yet is profoundly hard for many of us….myself included.

I’m following the Mayo Clinic’s guidelines for fitness, which means at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity — or 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity — a week, plus strength training at least twice a week. I’m tracking my food intake, and I’m pausing at the end of each and every day to be thankful. What really makes a difference for me is public accountability. I am connected with a group of dear friends (and friends of friends) on Facebook who are mutually committed to support and kick each other in the behind as needed.

Take the plunge and put you first. Self-care isn’t selfish. It is a wonderful gift to yourself and others.

 

Have needs that Humanergy could fill? Contact us

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Banish your inner cynic

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You may feel that you have plenty of reasons to be cynical. The world can be perceived as perpetually gloomy given worldwide terrorism, the collapse of our financial system and ongoing scandals. However, you don’t have the luxury of cynicism if you want to be an effective leader.

Cynics are more than skeptical. They’ve lost their faith in others, rarely trust and don’t believe that people or organizations can change. In a post called, Spirit At Work – Hope vs Cynicism, Lance Secretan says that cynics don’t “retain a sense of wonder at the marvels” inherent in everyday life. A cynic has learned “to distrust, to be wary, and to suspect the worst in people and life. Over time, this becomes a self-fulfilling philosophy.” Secretan shares this quote by H. L. Mencken: “A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”

Yes, leaders must be realistic, and reality can’t be viewed through rose-colored glasses. However, a leader’s outlook must reflect the truth that most people aren’t really out to get you. Most people don’t intend to behave in a negative fashion. As Carlon Hass writes in his post called, Overcoming Cynicism and Discovering Your Heroism, “what about the times we put our faith in people and they came through? How about all the times we looked to another person for support and they were there? How often do we forget that? How often have we let cynicism blind us to that truth?”

A well-rounded view of reality means that you don’t let your radar down. You are aware that people do run the gamut between altruistic and mean, even evil. Avoiding cynicism means that you don’t assume the worst. You also are prepared to deal with whatever life brings, welcoming the good and reacting appropriately to the rest.

There is a choice to be made. Will you view your interactions with others through the lens of cynicism? Will you be a pessimistic curmudgeon or an inspiring leader?  Consider assuming, as Secretan says, that “ninety-eight percent of our human experiences will be gifts of love and good intentions.” Your leadership impact depends upon that choice.

 

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