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Live your legacy

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

In an age of unemployment and downsizing, many people are thanking their lucky stars that they have a job at all, even if it’s more busy and stressful than ever. Few people have the luxury of wondering, Is this job helping me to fulfill my purpose in life?

The unexpected death of a colleague can cause us to examine how we’re spending our lives. We ponder our mortality and envision the legacy we hope to leave for the future. Our conclusion is that the most important thing you can do is live your legacy every day. That is, don’t wait until tomorrow to live your values and focus your energies on your life’s purpose. Start with these questions:

What would people say about you at your funeral? If your life ended today, how would you be eulogized? Is it something you’d be proud to hear?

Are your actions and decisions today consistent with how you’d like to be remembered? Not only do you follow the defined rules, but how do you respond in the gray areas – when the ethical boundaries are not as well-defined? As Albert Camus said, “Integrity has no need of rules.”

Are you happy now, or waiting to be happy when…?” The Center for Creative Leadership’s article titled Your Leadership Mojo: Wisdom from Marshall Goldsmith explores the advice that your 95-year-old self might give to you today. Goldsmith’s friend actually asked elderly people who were approaching death to reflect on what is truly important in life. The number one theme that emerged was be happy now. Don’t wait for that big promotion or retirement. Don’t get so caught up in the rat race that you don’t notice the sun is shining today.

Are people your priority? The Leadership Mojo article points out that when the end of life approaches, it isn’t our co-workers who hang out at the hospital. It’s our friends and family, if we’re lucky enough to have both. And doing things today to nurture relationship with people isn’t just important to ensure that you have hospital visitors. It’s the right thing to do, and your 95-year-old-self would tell you so.

Are you accomplishing something meaningful? It can be easy to amass a collection of accomplishments or life experiences, but if they don’t fulfill some aspect of your life’s purpose, they won’t matter much to you in the end. And if you accomplished them at the expense of others, you may not have those hospital visitors after all.

One thing is certain. We’ll all come to the end of our mortal lives. We hope it doesn’t happen soon. George Carlin used to say, “I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.” The good news is that if you live your values today, your legacy will take care of itself.

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Posted in Change, Courage, Emotional Intelligence, Judgment, Leadership, Uncategorized, Work/Life Balance | 3 Comments »

Forgiveness at work

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

Lena’s former boss was a tyrant who bullied his direct reports and rarely expressed any appreciation for their contributions. Although she left that job years ago, Lena still feels anger whenever she thinks of how he treated her. Is this something that she should address, or is Lena just responding as any normal person might?

Forgiveness is not something we talk about much in the workplace. We may practice forgiveness of others, and we certainly hope that we are forgiven when we make mistakes. Yet teams and organizations rarely discuss the power of forgiveness.

Forgiveness has often been misconstrued as condoning negative behaviors or just turning the other cheek. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You can forgive a person and at the same time set limits for future behaviors. Forgiveness doesn’t depend upon the other person apologizing or even acknowledging the behavior.  You don’t even have to speak to the person to let go of the resentment and forgive. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Lewis B. Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

How can forgiveness at work benefit you?

Forgiveness makes you healthier. According to the Mayo Clinic, forgiveness sets the stage for healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being, less stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain and lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse.

Forgiveness increases available energy. Nursing a grudge takes emotional and physical energy away from more productive endeavors. According to the Forgiveness Foundation, forgiveness transforms your mind. People report renewed energy and focus when they let go of bitterness and resentment.

Forgiveness unleashes joy. Because forgiveness reduces stress, people find more joy in everyday life when they are able to forgive others. When we forgive others, all of our other relationships are stronger and deeper, and we are able to weather small upsets with greater resilience.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. When you forgive, you do not forget what happened. You release the pain, anger and bitterness, and you also remember the lessons learned and don’t allow the offending behaviors to reoccur.

If the reasons above aren’t enough, consider the slightly “low road” perspective of Oscar Wilde: “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” Whatever your motivation might be, take actions to create a culture of forgiveness at work. As with any culture change, start with you. Experience the joy of forgiveness and share it with others today.

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Should you be a dictator?

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

Few leadership articles have stirred a response like the one titled Your Company Is not a Democracy by George Cloutier. There was even some question about whether it was serious – or if it was a parody of old-school “command and control” leadership styles. However, it’s a bona fide opinion article, and most of the comments made us cringe.

Here’s Mr. Cloutier’s advice, and Humanergy’s take.

Be a dictator. Give direction, but not about everything. Dictate the mission, values – the critical few things that will keep your organization focused and successful. Don’t waffle on those.

Tell your employees: “Don’t think – obey.” If your employees aren’t thinking, they should stay home. You need all intellects, skillsets and experiences actively engaged on your organization’s problems and opportunities.

Forget your likeability score. Earn respect through true leadership and likeability will probably come. True leaders don’t walk around with the goal of being warm and fuzzy, but they do treat people with genuine respect and kindness. They know that engaged workers who see themselves as an integral part of the organization produce better results. Therefore, good leaders communicate often, get input from their people and earn trust and respect at the same time.

Be a feared general. Don’t use fear as a tool. Using fear as a leadership tool is a sign of the leader’s own insecurities. Anyone holding the reins that tight is doing so out of fear – fear of losing control, new ideas or not being the smartest person in the room. You cannot command respect through fear. What you will create is an environment that encourages in-fighting, short-term gains and employees doing anything possible to look good.

Fear is the best motivator. Praise is a far better motivator. Our blog post on praising employees quoted research on the connection between praise and performance. Employees who receive regular praise have higher productivity and lower turnover, and they make fewer mistakes. Fear, on the other hand, may produce some short-term compliance to avoid reprisals. But because fear increases physical and emotional stress, employees are less productive over time. They’re also profoundly unfulfilled, which in turn causes your employees to dust off their resumes and find a less toxic environment.

Penalize poor or negligent performance. Spend more time feeding good performance than pointing out what’s not going well. Indeed, poor performance must be addressed as soon as it is noted. However, if you as a leader spend most of your time doling out penalties for poor performance, you are taking time from your most high value work. You should spend the vast majority of your time figuring out what is working and building on that success.

Fire incompetent employees. Surround yourself with only the best people. There should be no room in your company for people who operate contrary to the values, ethics or best practices that you’ve established. Hire and groom people who’s goals align with the organization’s and with passion to continually learn. Do that well, and you won’t need to fire many people.

Enforce, enforce, enforce. Adapt, adapt, adapt. Plans are made to be adapted to an ever-changing business environment. Rather than insisting that people follow your plans exactly, encourage adaptation within key parameters. The goals and best practices won’t change, but you’ll be nimble and responsive in how you get there.

Being a dictator requires a leader to possess all the wisdom, creativity, experience and judgment necessary for success in an ever-changing world. No one can do that. Unfortunately, some people still operate in the mindset that they can do it all, that they have all the answers. Scary. As Emile Chartier said, “There is nothing more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one you have.”

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Posted in Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Supervision, Trust, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Coaching lessons from golf school

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

My recent experience at golf school illustrated how frustrating and exhilarating it can be to learn something new. In fact, an anonymous but wise person said, Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

What lessons were learned that will help all of us to be better coaches and learners, regardless of the subject matter? For coaches:

Fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals. The golf pro spent 99% of the allotted time on the basic building blocks for a good swing. It wasn’t just on the driving range. Every time we had a club in our hands, she connected the dots between the current focus and the swing fundamentals.  As we built a good short shot, we also improved on our drives, and vice versa.  Whether you’re teaching someone how to sell widgets or service a machine, define the fundamentals and keep them front and center.

Stay true to what works. The golf pro was immovable when it came to the fundamentals of a good swing, no matter how many times she heard, “Well, what works for me is…” If there are tried and true best practices, stick to those and don’t compromise.

Communicate in a way that works for the learner. The golf pro used multiple means of communication, including verbal instructions, physical demonstration, video reviews and an illustrated manual. She adapted her methods to suit the needs of her students, like when her “80% angle” reference caused us all to stare blankly. She quickly understood that we didn’t get the spatial relations talk, but responded well when she said things like, “keep your head steady, rotate at the waist and straighten your left arm.” A good coach learns to communicate in many different ways – not just in the way in which he or she is most comfortable.

Break complicated stuff into manageable bits. Instead of tackling the whole swing, I spent hours working on bringing the club back to shoulder level correctly. Once my brain and body were coordinating this move well, I was able to incorporate other swing elements. Remember that people can’t keep numerous steps in their head all at once. Mastery of each component part builds muscle memory, increases confidence and sets the stage for overall success.

Use cycles of show, imitate, rectify. The pro would model the correct behavior, we would try to imitate her, and she then provided us with constructive feedback. The cycle was repeated over and over, until we were able to imitate the desired results fluidly.

Think you’re ready to be coached? A successful learning experience requires both a great coach, and a learner with the right motivation and attitude. For learners:

Align with your coach on goals. Some people came to golf school thinking that their game was great and only needed a few tweaks. The pro helped each person become more realistic about their current performance and set goals for improvement. In any coaching situation, be open to the fact that you may have more to learn than you previously thought.

Be a sponge, not a filter. In many ways, the novices at golf school got it right. They kept their mouths shut and their eyes and ears open. They didn’t waste time debating the merits of one grip or another. They took in as much information as possible, and readily tried new things. The result? Fewer tragedies and many more miracles. If you’re learning something new, try not to screen suggestions through the lens of your past experience. You don’t know what you don’t know.

Practice perfectly. Yes, it was mind-numbing to repeatedly practice the correct back swing. Contrary to popular belief, practice does not make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. It is only through doing things right that you develop a habit of excellent performance. The amazing thing is, according to Gary Player, the more you practice, the luckier you get.

The most valuable lesson from golf school? Golf, like any skill, is not about executing the right physical movements. It is largely played in our minds. Success is dependent upon having the right attitude as well as skill set. My attitude? Focus, relish the occasional miracle of a stellar shot and remember to have fun along the way.

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Posted in Coaching, Communication, Development, Emotional Intelligence, Fun | 2 Comments »

Made a mistake? Have a good laugh

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

Have you ever done something embarrassing, said something unintentionally funny or just goofed up at work?  Did you laugh at yourself?  Let others laugh too?

Joellen was making a presentation to a major client – one that she’d been working to cultivate for many months.  Thanks to plenty of preparation, she was feeling confident and energized.  The presentation was going well; in fact, members of the client group had big smiles on their faces. Wow, they’re really into this information, Joellen thought to herself.

About 20 minutes into the talk, she happened to glance at her hands.  They were covered in ink from the purple whiteboard marker.  Just then, she caught her reflection in the nearby window.  Not only were Joellen’s hands purple, but she had blotches of purple on her sleeves and her face.

Instead of breaking down, Joellen cracked up.  Between peals of laughter, she said to the group, I’ve always thought that purple was my best color! After a few minutes of good-natured chuckles, Joellen got back to the subject, engaged her audience and won over her client.

We’ve all been there, done that.  The first instinct might be to find the nearest hole and crawl in. But what are the benefits of rising above our embarrassment and enjoying the moment?

Laughter, according to most people’s experience and even medical experts, is good medicine.  Laughter’s workplace benefits include:

Connects co-workers. Self-deprecating humor lets those around us know we are human.  Laughing aloud at oneself, and letting others laugh too, builds connective relational tissue.

Creates a lighter atmosphere by reducing stress. Laughter lowers the body’s level of stress-related chemicals, increases blood flow and reduces pain.  Laughter means we are not as uptight about the looming deadlines, the budget crunch or the recent change from three-ply to two-ply toilet paper.

Cultivates humility and courage. Laughter shows our co-workers and clients that we are not afraid of our mistakes.  And recovering quickly from our mistakes – through laughter – models humility and courage for the workplace.

Boosts confidence. When we survive these bumps in the road, we realize that we don’t have to be perfect to be great at what we do. We’re in a stronger position to face the next embarrassing moment.

Allows you to move on and get the job done. You laugh, they laugh. Everyone gets back to the business at hand.

If your goof-up has impact on others, follow up and apologize. If it only made you cringe, laugh it off.  To err may be human, but to laugh about it certainly makes life more fun.

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You’ll never believe what [insert name] did!

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

42-15652296Your co-worker is driving you nuts. You’ve tried subtle hints, but those haven’t worked. You know venting to coworkers is bad and makes you part of the problem. (Don’t you remember that from our post last week?) How do you constructively address the issue?

First explore internal resources. Find out what organizational policies may apply and how/if your human resources department can help to resolve the issue.

Consult a trusted adviser if necessary. You can seek feedback about how best to move forward. That’s not venting. It only becomes venting when you complain to someone else with no intention to resolve the issue. So get advice if you need it, and then talk directly with the person involved.

Here are some tips for “the talk.”

Schedule a time. Don’t prolong the agony by asking to meet next week. Try, Do you have some time today (tomorrow)? I’d like to discuss the PDQ Project.

Find a good location. Go to a quiet location where you can speak in privacy. No cubicle conversations, restaurants, lobbies or other areas where you may be interrupted or overheard.

Align on mutual goals. We both want the PDQ project to succeed or We both value worker safety. Near the end of the conversation, What steps can we each take to achieve our goals?

Stay focused on behaviors and facts. Use recent examples and connect the dots between the person’s action (or lack thereof) and results. Share the impact on others and on the organization.

Listen well. Don’t just passively hear what the other person is saying. Restate it in your own words to make sure you’re getting it right.

Be balanced. Talk about strengths, too, and how those might be applied to correct the situation.

What if “the talk” doesn’t seem to work?

Bring in help if you’re stuck. A neutral third party is sometimes necessary to peel back the layers of issues and help you address the root cause of the conflict. (Your Human Resources department may be able to help you out.)

Know when to involve the boss. Talk to the boss if you’ve taken these steps , there’s no resolution AND the situation has a negative impact on success.  Keep the focus on how the person’s actions are impacting the organization and what productive steps should be taken.

At the end of the day, you may not fix the problem. After all, you can’t make anyone change their behavior. What you can do is make choices about your behavior. Choose to be honest and sensitive when confronting thorny issues. You’ll not only have a better chance at resolution, you’ll face the mirror with greater comfort too.

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To vent or not to vent

Monday, December 7th, 2009

steamMy boss is a controlling jerk. The project manager is an idiot. My assistant can’t think his way out of a paper bag.

Venting about work seems to be on the rise. Maybe it’s because we’re afraid to make waves by bringing up problems directly, for fear of losing our jobs. So we resort to releasing our frustrations via whispered complaints by the coffee machine.

Social networking has also given us new ways to vent our frustrations in cyberspace. We can whine on Facebook, Twitter or any one of the numerous sites designed for that purpose, like jobvent.com and iworkwithfools.com. (No, we’re not giving the links. We do not advocate voicing your fury in such a manner.)

Let’s just say your boss really is a jerk, and you don’t feel that you can rectify the situation. How do you manage your frustrations appropriately?

Don’t suppress your anger. Medical experts warn that internalizing your frustrations can be bad for your health, contributing to high blood pressure, digestive problems and heart attacks.

Don’t express anger frequently. Studies show that people who are angry a lot suffer from the same health problems as those who quietly seethe. If you’re often outraged by daily life, get help.

Don’t vent with coworkers. Venting does nothing to improve your situation, and regular whining labels you as a negative influence. Even if your colleague is also a trusted friend, you are much better off taking the high road. Never say anything to a coworker that you wouldn’t want repeated in public.

Talk to someone outside of work. Talk to your significant other or non-work friends. Monitor the frequency, though. Patience will run thin if you vent with no intention of taking steps to resolve the issue. Use that person as a sounding board to help you develop positive next steps and coping strategies.

Don’t vent online. We’ve said it before; once it’s out there, it’s public. Just say no to email and social networking when you’re mad.

Unless you’d like to leave your job, don’t vent to your boss’s boss. Maybe this seems obvious. But there are people out there who think that if the boss won’t listen, it’s time to move up the chain of command. Unless your boss is breaking a law or violating important company policy, think twice before going over her head.  Never, never whine to higher-ups just because you don’t like something.

You have a choice. Do you use your frustration as fuel for constructive action? Or do you vent, and just allow your anger to feed upon itself? If you have time to whine, you have time to do something to make your life better.

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Realistic optimism

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

glass-half-full4The glass is half full. Or maybe not. Business Week recently profiled a new book by Barbara Ehrenreich titled Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. Her premise is that an overabundance of unwarranted positive thinking contributed to a host of woes, such as vulnerability to terrorist attacks and the collapse of financial markets.

Are you overly optimistic? Always assuming the best can lead to underfunded projects, overcommitted schedules, underperforming people and even the demise of your organization. How do you combine realism with optimism?

Don’t put your head in the sand. Overly optimistic people not only don’t seek out contrary opinions, they ignore any information that does not confirm their hopeful picture. Actively seek a more realistic perspective.

Double-check your assumptions regularly. Super-optimists think their rosy picture is based on facts and data. Make sure yours are accurate and complete.

Listen to naysayers. There were people who warned about the mortgage crisis, Hurricane Katrina preparedness and other disasters. Unfortunately, they were ignored (and some were fired). Surround yourself with smart people who will tell you what you don’t want to hear.

Expect the best and prepare for the worst. Projects always cost more money, take more time and end up differently than we expected. Plan realistically and make sure Plan B is in place in case things go very wrong.

Say no. Extremely optimistic people think they can do more than is possible. Say no when you really don’t have the time, skills or experience necessary.

Live abundantly. Just because you’re a realist doesn’t mean you’re gloomy or negative. Steven Covey talks about the abundance mentality – that there is plenty to go around, whether it be resources, work, skill or love.  Living abundantly means you expect good things to happen to you and to others.

What’s the best reason to be optimistic?  Life as an optimist is more fun. Go ahead and look at the bright side of life. Just don’t let those lights blind you to the less-sunny aspects of reality.

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Make the best of a bad situation

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

storm-clouds1Your boss is a tyrant. The team is dysfunctional. Other departments are uncooperative. Customers are rude and demanding. Any of this sound familiar?

It is true that life can be hard, and sometimes it isn’t possible to escape your bad situation right away. (Feel like job searching in this economy?) How do you keep your sanity when it’s a dog-eat-dog world and you feel like you’re wearing Milk-Bone* underwear?

Stop whining. Just don’t do it. It doesn’t change anything and brings everyone else down. Others whining around you? Enforce a “whine-free zone.” If you feel the urge to complain, ask yourself, “What can I control, influence or manage for in this situation?” Take action on those things. Let the other stuff go.

Communicate bugs and wishes. Sometimes when we’re mired in negativity, we become irritated by behavior, but don’t confront it.  Then every subsequent slight just adds to the slow boil. Try “bugs and wishes,” something we learned from a first grader. It bugs me when you X, and I wish you would Y. For example, a more professional approach might be, I didn’t appreciate it when you interrupted me, and I wish you would allow me to express my thought before you speak.

Figure out how you are contributing to the problem. Even if you didn’t create it, are your reactions making the situation worse? Keep your thinking and actions on the high road, even if it seems like you’re there all alone.

Be realistic, but hopeful. It’s the old Stockdale Paradox again. Be aware of the brutal facts of the reality you’re facing AND stay positive that things will turn around. You may not be able to create instant paradise at work, but you can take action every day to make things better.

Learn from others. Yes, your boss is a tyrant. What lessons can you learn from that? How will your department model cooperation and a win-win approach, even if others aren’t there yet? Even rude customers can teach you something if you’re willing to learn.

Make a plan. Maybe it’s an escape plan. Or perhaps a “make-things-better” plan. Regardless, make sure you are taking steps today for a better tomorrow.

There’s an old saying that goes, life is hard and then you die. We prefer life is hard and so you learn.

* Milk-Bone is a registered trademark of Del Monte Foods, and we’re pretty sure they don’t come in underwear form.


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Pride and humility in leadership

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

peacock1Masterful leaders achieve a balance in seemingly opposing traits. Take pride and humility, for example. On the surface, it might seem that pride is the ticket to an ego trip. Conversely, too much humility results in indecisiveness. To be a leader, you need to keep both pride and humility in the right equilibrium.

It’s human nature to be proud of our achievements. When pride falls out of balance, though, it can easily turn to arrogance. What are the pitfalls of pride?

Pride clouds judgment. When it’s all about you and your ego, you no longer make decisions based on a solid foundation.

Pride puts your vision in the forefront, not the organization’s. You’ll move boldly, but not in the right direction.

Pride makes you unapproachable. You won’t hear the feedback that you need, because people know you don’t want it.

Here’s how to nurture the trait of humility as a way of keeping pride in check.

Be ready to listen and learn from others. Make time each day to learn something new from those around you.

Share knowledge to “seed” others’ strengths. Communicate lessons learned and best practices, helping less experienced leaders continue their development.

Give credit to others when it’s due. Be liberal and specific in communicating others’ achievements.

Admit mistakes. Share what you did wrong and how you are correcting it.

Above all, avoid false humility. People see through fake modesty and find it distasteful at best. False humility guarantees that people won’t trust you.

To be an authentic leader, the scales must tip in favor of humility. Your achievements will allow you to soar with the eagles, and you’ll be grounded at the same time. Thomas Merton said it best: “Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real.”

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