Category Archives: Courage

How to respond to offensive remarks

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How many times have you heard a comment that struck you as disrespectful or offensive, and you didn’t respond? Maybe you didn’t know the other person, and felt too awkward to comment. Maybe you just weren’t sure you wanted to wade into the issue. Many of us (myself included) have opted not to comment, because we are afraid of the consequences or are unsure of what to say.

You don’t have to confront every piece of communication with which you don’t agree. When should you engage, having heard what you feel is a demeaning remark?

When it offends you. This may be obvious, but sometimes we think, “maybe I’m being too sensitive.” That’s usually just a way of avoiding the issue. If you find the remark offensive, that’s grounds enough to comment on it. You don’t need a panel of experts backing you up.

When the comment is made within your conversation. Overhearing a rude outburst from afar might give you a free pass. However, if someone makes an offensive remark in the context of your discussion, you can and should respond. Even if the words weren’t directed at you, it is still important to weigh in.

When you know the person. Strangers behaving badly may benefit from some type of intervention. Friends and colleagues definitely would. The difference here is your ability to influence their thinking and behavior. You owe it to the other person to bring the matter to their attention.

When you have the power. Let’s face it. There are some people who are in a much better position to confront distasteful speech. Leaders must role model the standards of the organization and confront those who disregard those standards. The implicit message when you say nothing is to approve.

When you know you should weigh in, how can you do so in a way that is maximally constructive?

Be brief. There is no need to launch into a protracted speech on the distasteful statement. Get to the point. “I found the term “fairy” to be offensive,” for example.

Stay focused on observable behavior. Resist the urge to extrapolate and comment on the person’s attitude or beliefs. “You used the word “girl” to refer to a grown woman.” Leave out your personal opinion that the person is a sexist.

Be willing to educate. Often people are operating out of ignorance and do not intend to be disrespectful. Assume that this is the case, until proven otherwise. A comment like, “that term has negative connotation you may not be aware of,” may pave the way to increased awareness.

State your feelings. After you’ve named the behavior, it is more than appropriate to state how you felt about it. “I felt offended [hurt] [angry].” This will help the other individual understand your true perspective and the impact of his behavior.

Be respectful and loving. It might seem strange to respond with care to a person who has said something you found repugnant. However, don’t give in to your urge to demean the speaker. Doing so would only inflame the situation, and may cause the other person to shut down and stop listening. Remember that your goal is to promote and model respectful communication; you won’t do that if you respond angrily.

Remain firm in your feedback. “Hey, lighten up,” can be a common response to being confronted. Simply stated, offensive speech is not trivial. At work, it can be illegal or at least highly disruptive. Your feedback is valid, regardless of the other person’s receptivity (or lack thereof).

Report abuse or discrimination. Persons who are verbally abusive or practice discrimination have no place in your organization. Take action, either yourself or by reporting such behavior to the person’s boss.

Part of our responsibility as human beings is to preserve the dignity of others. Caring enough to speak the truth is not always easy. It is, however, one of the most important things we can do. It may not feel that way at the time, but refuting objectionable comments is a courtesy we extend to the speaker. Giving difficult feedback means, “I care about you too much to let this go.”

 

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Embrace the fog

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Are you the type of person who prefers to look at the world through rose-colored glasses? If so, you may be missing some important aspects of your organization’s reality. Let’s face it. It ain’t all pretty. And some parts of reality are just darn confusing. There are some facts that you may be blissfully unaware of if you don’t actively seek the unvarnished truth.

Remember our blog post about the Stockdale Paradox?

Yes, it may feel easier to just float in big picture generalities and forget about reality. But what are the benefits of turning on the fog lights to see the vivid landscape?

Keeps you from getting comfy. Good is the enemy of great, and it doesn’t take long to get complacent when things seem to going well. Don’t over-inflate the doom and gloom, but do keep a sense of urgency that is necessary for high performance.

Prevents expedient (and wrong) solutions. Quick fixes are often not that quick, since they don’t address the root of the problem. When you have a firm grasp on the entire reality, you’ll identify lasting solutions to the most critical problems.

Does not negate hope. We are all about optimism, AND it must be directed thoughtfully, with full understanding of what is going on. Blind faith that everything will work out serves no purpose. Hopeful, positive action that is aligned with your organization’s strategic priorities will win the day.

Engages imagination. Accepting the brutal reality is not an indication that you are giving up. In fact, reality is a potent springboard for launching your creative energies. With a full understanding of what you’re facing, you can activate your people’s imaginations and ingenuity to create an amazing future.

Existing in murkiness can be a real downer. Keep your sense of humor as a tool to dispel the gloom. As Herm Albright said, “A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to be worth the effort.”

 


Change is organic and messy

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Most leaders say they adapt well to change and some even say they relish it. What can be maddening about the change process is that its basic nature is not something we are comfortable with. Some leaders want to believe that change can be a mechanical process if they do it properly. Mechanical change is linear and progresses on a timeline that is predictable. The components of the system are understood and innovation has a known cause and effect. Mechanical change is top down, monitored and controlled in a central hub. With mechanical change, the harder you work, the more results you achieve.

We see evidence of mechanical thinking when leaders give their people training and expect them to change the way they think and work. Unfortunately, you cannot hand employees a new tool (or idea) and expect them to change in any predictable way.

Put people into the equation and you can forget about mechanical change. Organizational change is organic, rather than mechanical. Think of your organization as a living, breathing entity. It is a complex system with many variables, some of which are not completely understood. What you do in one part of the “body” also impacts other areas. In this vital system, even too much of a good thing can be bad. Parts that look similar are not interchangeable, and often they react unpredictably to change. Making meaningful change in this organic system requires both inside out and bottom up action. Monitoring and control are dispersed and also coordinated to account for the high degree of interdependence among parts of this organizational “being.”

What derails many change efforts is an intolerance for bad results. The reality is that if you are making transformational change in your organization, your results will probably get worse before they get better. Change also takes much longer than people anticipate. Some change processes are discontinued because of a leadership turnover or an unwillingness to continue the hard and unsettling work that drives real change.

Organizational change starts with the right mindset. You need to be prepared for prolonged ambiguity, learning on the fly and adapting quickly to meet the needs of your changing organizational body. Speeches, plans and accountability charts don’t produce change. True change happens at the molecular level, where seemingly insignificant factors can make the difference between success and failure. Little things make big things happen (John Wooden).

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

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Be disruptive

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Whitney Johnson wrote a blog post called How to Identify Your Disruptive Skills. She wasn’t instructing people on how to be rude or annoying. She wrote about how you can uncover their most unique strengths. As she said, “These may be capacities that are so innate you may not even consciously recognize them, or skills you have honed over years of practice. These are the skills that can help you carve out a disruptive niche — consequently upping your value in the marketplace.”

Being disruptive in this context means tapping what is already within you – and undergoing a metamorphosis. Your transformation may seem profound and surprising to others, yet it is based upon your truest self – your disruptive strengths.

The idea of being disruptive is appealing in a broader context of careers and performance. It allows you go move from floating through life to taking the helm. Being disruptive requires that you no longer let circumstances change you. You decide what you will do and how you will do it. How can being disruptive work for you?

Strategy. Charting a course for the organization requires courage, a depth of knowledge and judgment. When thinking strategically, you fast-forward to the future and imagine a new reality. Being disruptive when it comes to strategic thinking means that you widen your view and keep an open mind. Doing this allows you to identify unlikely and previously unrecognized options. So many “lucky breaks” are really the result of thinking more broadly and openly. In 1902, nobody thought that 3M would morph from being a mining company to a global technology innovations company. Someone(s) took a larger view of the possibilities, and if they hadn’t, it’s unlikely that the company would even be in business today.

Innovation. Rather than incremental change, think of innovation as jumping the tracks, shifting into a whole new way of working – a new tool or best practice that exponentially elevates the quality of work. Tweaking can be fine, but it can also be a symptom of the slow march to doom. As John Cage said, “I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I am frightened of old ones.”

How can you make sure that you are you bringing energy to the right stuff – your disruptive potential? Your most disruptive strength may not be obvious, so you’ll need to do some work to uncover it. Johnson gives some excellent advice in her blog, including increasing your self-awareness. One good way to do this is to courageously, regularly, emphatically seek feedback. Not, “Have any feedback?” but, “What is the one thing I should stop or start doing?”And then courageously, regularly, emphatically change.

Think you don’t have time? You do. Being disruptive requires that you study how you’re spending your time and re-allocate aggressively. As Carl Sandburg said, “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.”

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

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Comfort doesn’t produce joy

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Yes, the Christmas carol wishes you “tidings of comfort and joy.” But in leadership, seldom do those two emotional states correlate. That’s because leadership requires that you continually function outside of your comfort zone. In fact, leaders must monitor themselves regularly to ensure that they have not slipped back into the cozy habit of doing their job in ways that are easy and familiar. What are the perils of comfort?

You do things you should not be doing – and can’t get to more strategic work. It can seem simpler to just do things yourself, even parts of your job that could and should be done by others. The easy road is to tell yourself you’ll get around to delegating later, when things settle down. Truth is, they won’t settle down, so ditch the comfort of your routine and force yourself to stop doing what others can. It may require you to learn a whole new skill set around when and how to delegate and hold people accountable. The end result is that you and your direct reports will become better performers.

You avoid uncomfortable emotions and performance suffers. Don’t like conflict, unhappiness or other “negative” emotions? Your coping strategies (avoidance, giving in to keep the peace, etc.) don’t serve the organization well. Conflict can actually be a good thing; when there’s high commitment, diverse ideas and productive discussion, better solutions are generated. If you want people to be happy and harmonious all the time, you’ll make choices that ensure harmony, rather than decisions that are right for the organization. Instead of expecting people to stop getting emotional, figure out why it’s happening and why it bugs you so much.

Your need for comfort takes precedence over what’s right, and can even lead to immoral choices. Not you? Well, a recent study showed that most people will do the wrong thing if it’s easier. People were more likely to cheat or avoid being altruistic if the computer program made it easier than the more noble alternative- like just clicking the Continue button. If you are all about your own comfort, you will be more likely to passively take care of your own needs over those of others. You might choose to ignore a customer need if it’s something that would be difficult for you to do, or if it might put you in a bad light. Sure, you’ll justify it (“they are just being difficult”), and life will go on. The question is, are you making the choice that promotes the greater good or the one that is most convenient for you?

You sacrifice long-term gain for short-term comfort.The need for safety and comfort is pretty low on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Focusing energy on maintaining your own contentment means that this energy isn’t available for other priorities – like leading edge innovation or creative problem solving. You short-change yourself, your people and your organization by allowing your own contentment to come first.

Still think you don’t prioritize your own comfort? Ask a trusted colleague about the ways in which you stay in your comfort zone. As difficult as it may be to hear the answer, remember the words of C.S. Lewis: “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!


Is bad always stronger than good? Feeding strengths versus eliminating weaknesses

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A recent post by Robert Sutton of Stanford University for Harvard Business Review has a provocative title, “Bad is Stronger Than Good: Evidence-Based Advice for Bosses.” The title and some of the introductory paragraphs might give you the impression that you should focus your time on what your people are doing wrong. In fact, the article contains two main takeaways:

1. In spite of making global statements, like “It’s more important to eliminate the negative,” he doesn’t mean eliminating the challenges/weaknesses that people present. He is talking about eliminating the bad apples, people who are toxic forces within the organization. Many leadership experts would agree, including Steve Tobak, who blogged on 7 Toxic Coworkers You Have to Avoid.

2.  The research quoted is related to negative experiences, people and information have a deeper impact than positive ones. Since the examples quoted are all based on romantic relationships, the applicability to work is unclear. However, it does seem logical that if bad interactions outnumber good ones, a work relationship would probably be doomed as well.

But what does this blog have to do with the average, hard-working Joe or Josephine at work? If they’re not the chronically negative and annoying types, probably not much.

What more commonly plagues many leaders is not what to do with the obviously bad apples, but how to maximize the potential of average apples with good potential and a few rough spots. While it may be distasteful and require some gumption, eliminating the bad guys is cleaner and easier than cultivating the garden-variety worker to achieve her best. That’s where the real work of leadership begins.

So how do you “polish the everyday apples” so that their innate qualities translate into excellent performance?

Set and enforce high standards. People will respond to the challenge if you establish high standards for integrity and performance. Make it plain which attitudes and behaviors are expected, and which are not to be tolerated. You’re all responsible for this pie, and every single apple has to contribute positively, even you.

Align people’s talents and enthusiasm with the job. People should be given an opportunity to do something at which they can excel. This may mean cobbling a couple of jobs together or customizing a role or project. That might seem like you’re bending too far to suit each person. In actuality, you are doing yourself and the organization a big favor. When your people are putting their abilities to best use, they bring their whole selves to work – their passion, drive and creativity. Major juice for your organizational pie!

Feed what’s working. Yes, you need to weed out any behaviors and attitudes that are detrimental to success. But most of your time should be spent pointing out what’s going well and how it supports the needs of the organization. You might also need to introduce (“seed”) new best practices. For practical tips to keep the right balance, check out our blog on feed, need, seed and weed.

Do your part of the job. It’s pretty simple. It’s about your people and how well you are able to remove barriers to their success. If that bad apple’s getting in the way, deal with it. If someone has a flaw that interferes with performance, support him to either correct it or mitigate its effects. If the flaw is yours, figure out what you need to do to manage your own imperfections.

In the words of the immortal George Jackson, as sung by the Osmond brothers, “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch, girl.” Or guy. Yes, the bad apples need to go. But bad isn’t stronger than good. We need to devote our time to what really works – on what’s right with the rest of the bunch, in order to make a practically perfect pie…or organization.

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!


Do you have leadership presence?

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You recognize it instantly. People with leadership presence exude an aura of command, a confidence that they are in control of themselves and the situation at hand. It’s different from charm or charisma, though they may be very engaging qualities.  Leadership presence can be high in people who are extroverts or introverts, so it is not necessary to be the most talkative person in the room.

George S. Barrett, CEO of Cardinal Health, in an online New York Times interview, talked about the importance of people believing in their leader, and trusting the competence and judgment of the person at the helm. He articulated leadership presence as a combination of doing the right things and forging a connection at a human, fundamental level.

What qualities make you a leader with presence, one with an aura of command?

Confidence. Leaders with presence use language that is strong, positive and based on facts.  They are calibrated about what they know and don’t know.  Because of that calibration, they don’t oversell themselves or their ideas, and are not falsely humble. They are a visible, passionate force within the organization.

Vision. Leaders with presence have a strong clarity of purpose, a compass that guides not only what the organization does, but why. They share this vision widely and engage others within the organization in shaping how the vision will be realized.

Strength under fire.  Even in the most arduous circumstances, leadership presence requires self-control and poise. Leaders with presence are grounded in the facts, and do not allow emotions to skew their perspective about what is important. They remain focused and responsive to changes around them and are not afraid to make the tough calls when necessary.

Judgment. Leaders with presence use judgment to achieve excellence. They establish mechanisms for accessing the critical information needed to understand the current reality and predict the future. Like good chess players, leaders with presence think 1, 2 or 3 moves ahead in terms of strategy. They focus only on what’s most important and are prepared with contingency plans for both the foreseeable, as well as the unpredictable, future scenarios.

Learning. Leaders with presence are continual learners. They gain insight first and foremost by listening and asking the right questions. They are disciplined in their efforts to better understand themselves, their people and the world around them.

Humility. Leaders with presence recognize that they don’t know everything and actively ask for help when needed. They admit mistakes and take action to ensure that they are not repeated.

Engagement. Leaders with presence create space for people to own their work and express their passion, thinking and creativity. At the same time, they ensure that people know what results are needed and why and provide the necessary support and accountability.

Image. Leaders with presence project a professional image through appropriate dress, grooming, behavior and language. They freely express their own unique personality within these boundaries, and are comfortable in their own skin.

Leadership presence is an intangible that can be readily observed, and difficult to achieve. The payoff is that leaders with this aura of command can more easily create a work environment where people relax, engage and confidently take action themselves. Without this intangible, others in the organization may feel anxious and uncertain because of the leadership vacuum. Assess yourself today and begin addressing the gaps in leadership presence, so that you can earn the respect and trust of your people.

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!


You don’t know what you don’t know

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“Awareness requires a rupture with the world we take for granted.” Shoshana Zuboff

High performance leaders recognize the need to constantly improve their organization and its people, and above all, themselves. To become better leaders, they continually expand their self-awareness, even if this means confronting aspects of their personalities, habits and performance that they’d rather not see. Self-awareness requires a dedicated effort to uncover the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Here are some steps to get you started.

Accept that others may know you better than you know yourself. It is far easier to have wisdom about others than it is to truly know ourselves. Recognize that you have a biased perspective or that you don’t comprehend the whole picture of your behavior and its impact.

Examine your world view. There’s an old saying that a fish doesn’t know it’s swimming in water until it is thrown upon the riverbank. Up until that moment, that fish thinks that he understands all about the world and how it works. Your world view is a framework that allows you to understand individuals, groups and your “reality.” A world view is like a lens through which you see yourself and others. It is dangerous to assume that your world view is the right one or the same as other people.  To explore your world view, ask yourself, What are my beliefs? and What assumptions do I make about myself and others?

Find a new perspective. Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” To get a different perspective, look at an unrelated industry, ask for feedback from a new source or methodically toss out all of your assumptions and start fresh.

Explore the unknown unknowns. You’re probably pretty comfortable with not knowing every answer. What if you didn’t even know the right questions to be asking? According to an article by Errol Morris in the New York Times Opinionator, known unknowns are the problems you can list and prepare for. The unknown unknowns are problems about which you are completely unaware. Giant leaps in self-awareness and performance can be achieved by not only adding to your list of solutions, but uncovering previously unexplored questions.

You would never accept mediocre performance from yourself. Likewise, don’t accept that you have complete self-awareness, without a consistent and disciplined effort to uncover the real you.

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!


Live your legacy

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In an age of unemployment and downsizing, many people are thanking their lucky stars that they have a job at all, even if it’s more busy and stressful than ever. Few people have the luxury of wondering, Is this job helping me to fulfill my purpose in life?

The unexpected death of a colleague can cause us to examine how we’re spending our lives. We ponder our mortality and envision the legacy we hope to leave for the future. Our conclusion is that the most important thing you can do is live your legacy every day. That is, don’t wait until tomorrow to live your values and focus your energies on your life’s purpose. Start with these questions:

What would people say about you at your funeral? If your life ended today, how would you be eulogized? Is it something you’d be proud to hear?

Are your actions and decisions today consistent with how you’d like to be remembered? Not only do you follow the defined rules, but how do you respond in the gray areas – when the ethical boundaries are not as well-defined? As Albert Camus said, “Integrity has no need of rules.”

Are you happy now, or waiting to be happy when…?” The Center for Creative Leadership’s article titled Your Leadership Mojo: Wisdom from Marshall Goldsmith explores the advice that your 95-year-old self might give to you today. Goldsmith’s friend actually asked elderly people who were approaching death to reflect on what is truly important in life. The number one theme that emerged was be happy now. Don’t wait for that big promotion or retirement. Don’t get so caught up in the rat race that you don’t notice the sun is shining today.

Are people your priority? The Leadership Mojo article points out that when the end of life approaches, it isn’t our co-workers who hang out at the hospital. It’s our friends and family, if we’re lucky enough to have both. And doing things today to nurture relationship with people isn’t just important to ensure that you have hospital visitors. It’s the right thing to do, and your 95-year-old-self would tell you so.

Are you accomplishing something meaningful? It can be easy to amass a collection of accomplishments or life experiences, but if they don’t fulfill some aspect of your life’s purpose, they won’t matter much to you in the end. And if you accomplished them at the expense of others, you may not have those hospital visitors after all.

One thing is certain. We’ll all come to the end of our mortal lives. We hope it doesn’t happen soon. George Carlin used to say, “I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.” The good news is that if you live your values today, your legacy will take care of itself.

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!


Forgiveness at work

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Lena’s former boss was a tyrant who bullied his direct reports and rarely expressed any appreciation for their contributions. Although she left that job years ago, Lena still feels anger whenever she thinks of how he treated her. Is this something that she should address, or is Lena just responding as any normal person might?

Forgiveness is not something we talk about much in the workplace. We may practice forgiveness of others, and we certainly hope that we are forgiven when we make mistakes. Yet teams and organizations rarely discuss the power of forgiveness.

Forgiveness has often been misconstrued as condoning negative behaviors or just turning the other cheek. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You can forgive a person and at the same time set limits for future behaviors. Forgiveness doesn’t depend upon the other person apologizing or even acknowledging the behavior.  You don’t even have to speak to the person to let go of the resentment and forgive. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Lewis B. Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

How can forgiveness at work benefit you?

Forgiveness makes you healthier. According to the Mayo Clinic, forgiveness sets the stage for healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being, less stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain and lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse.

Forgiveness increases available energy. Nursing a grudge takes emotional and physical energy away from more productive endeavors. According to the Forgiveness Foundation, forgiveness transforms your mind. People report renewed energy and focus when they let go of bitterness and resentment.

Forgiveness unleashes joy. Because forgiveness reduces stress, people find more joy in everyday life when they are able to forgive others. When we forgive others, all of our other relationships are stronger and deeper, and we are able to weather small upsets with greater resilience.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. When you forgive, you do not forget what happened. You release the pain, anger and bitterness, and you also remember the lessons learned and don’t allow the offending behaviors to reoccur.

If the reasons above aren’t enough, consider the slightly “low road” perspective of Oscar Wilde: “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” Whatever your motivation might be, take actions to create a culture of forgiveness at work. As with any culture change, start with you. Experience the joy of forgiveness and share it with others today.

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!