Category Archives: Standards

How to respond to offensive remarks

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How many times have you heard a comment that struck you as disrespectful or offensive, and you didn’t respond? Maybe you didn’t know the other person, and felt too awkward to comment. Maybe you just weren’t sure you wanted to wade into the issue. Many of us (myself included) have opted not to comment, because we are afraid of the consequences or are unsure of what to say.

You don’t have to confront every piece of communication with which you don’t agree. When should you engage, having heard what you feel is a demeaning remark?

When it offends you. This may be obvious, but sometimes we think, “maybe I’m being too sensitive.” That’s usually just a way of avoiding the issue. If you find the remark offensive, that’s grounds enough to comment on it. You don’t need a panel of experts backing you up.

When the comment is made within your conversation. Overhearing a rude outburst from afar might give you a free pass. However, if someone makes an offensive remark in the context of your discussion, you can and should respond. Even if the words weren’t directed at you, it is still important to weigh in.

When you know the person. Strangers behaving badly may benefit from some type of intervention. Friends and colleagues definitely would. The difference here is your ability to influence their thinking and behavior. You owe it to the other person to bring the matter to their attention.

When you have the power. Let’s face it. There are some people who are in a much better position to confront distasteful speech. Leaders must role model the standards of the organization and confront those who disregard those standards. The implicit message when you say nothing is to approve.

When you know you should weigh in, how can you do so in a way that is maximally constructive?

Be brief. There is no need to launch into a protracted speech on the distasteful statement. Get to the point. “I found the term “fairy” to be offensive,” for example.

Stay focused on observable behavior. Resist the urge to extrapolate and comment on the person’s attitude or beliefs. “You used the word “girl” to refer to a grown woman.” Leave out your personal opinion that the person is a sexist.

Be willing to educate. Often people are operating out of ignorance and do not intend to be disrespectful. Assume that this is the case, until proven otherwise. A comment like, “that term has negative connotation you may not be aware of,” may pave the way to increased awareness.

State your feelings. After you’ve named the behavior, it is more than appropriate to state how you felt about it. “I felt offended [hurt] [angry].” This will help the other individual understand your true perspective and the impact of his behavior.

Be respectful and loving. It might seem strange to respond with care to a person who has said something you found repugnant. However, don’t give in to your urge to demean the speaker. Doing so would only inflame the situation, and may cause the other person to shut down and stop listening. Remember that your goal is to promote and model respectful communication; you won’t do that if you respond angrily.

Remain firm in your feedback. “Hey, lighten up,” can be a common response to being confronted. Simply stated, offensive speech is not trivial. At work, it can be illegal or at least highly disruptive. Your feedback is valid, regardless of the other person’s receptivity (or lack thereof).

Report abuse or discrimination. Persons who are verbally abusive or practice discrimination have no place in your organization. Take action, either yourself or by reporting such behavior to the person’s boss.

Part of our responsibility as human beings is to preserve the dignity of others. Caring enough to speak the truth is not always easy. It is, however, one of the most important things we can do. It may not feel that way at the time, but refuting objectionable comments is a courtesy we extend to the speaker. Giving difficult feedback means, “I care about you too much to let this go.”

 

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Are you part of a culture of intimidation?

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You may be thinking, “Me? I’d never be a leader in an organization whose culture was intimidating! I’m a nice person!” Unfortunately, organizational culture and habits have a tendency to creep, if we’re not careful. There may be some ways in which you and other leaders contribute to people feeling constrained and bullied. You’ve just been too busy or narrow in your focus to recognize it. What are the symptoms of subtle intimidation?

Fuzzy accountability, blame and consequences that don’t fit. People aren’t exactly sure what they should be doing or what boundaries exist for their work. Expectations are unclear or inconsistent from one day to the next or one leader to the next. When things go wrong, the finger gets pointed, and the consequences don’t seem appropriate given the mistakes that were made.

Intense focus on what’s going wrong. Time, energy and emotion are invested in communicating about the problems and errors, and little is said about what’s working. Employees keep their heads down and hope for the best (or at least that they’re not the ones in the wrong this time). Sometimes negative feedback is delivered indirectly, such as jabs disguised as jokes.

Intermittent, inconsistent communication. Employees hear different messages from leaders, if they hear much at all. There is no context to what is communicated, so people don’t understand the importance and priority of the message. Confusion is common, and solutions are imperfect, since people don’t have access to necessary information.

Delegation is usually “swoop and poop” or micromanaging. Lacking the time (really, it’s commitment) to delegate appropriately, leaders plop projects in people’s inboxes, give direction via short, curt email or only half-delegate and then hover to make sure the work is getting done right.

Leaders don’t want feedback. Leaders may say they want critical feedback, but employees understand that this would come with grave consequences. “Remember Joe? Well, he criticized the boss and got canned.”

Leaders give feedback indirectly or vaguely. Often the person who needs the feedback is the last to know, as people discuss Sue’s problem with everyone but Sue. When leaders give feedback to their direct reports, they beat around the bush and don’t connect the dots between the direct report’s behavior and its impact. This leaves employees wondering what they did in the first place and uncertain about where they stand with their boss.

People create silos for support. To protect themselves or to gain power, people develop a group of allies within the organization. “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.” Invisible silos of alliances exist and everyone knows who is in whose camp, even if it is not openly acknowledged.

If even one of these statements ring true, it’s time to take a stand and promote change. Start by modeling effective listening and openness yourself. Like everyone, you are not fully aware of the impact of your own behavior. Seek information to decrease your own self-deception. Then find like-minded people within the organization and ask, “Is this culture one that enables us to meet tomorrow’s challenges and achieve necessary results?”

Work together to build a safe, healthy and productive culture that allows people to fully engage in the organization’s mission and make a difference. Good intentions won’t change anything. As Mae West said, “An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.”

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

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Most rules are unnecessary and some are really dumb

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Let’s just clear this up, for those of you who are rule followers: Yes, there are a few rules that organizations need in order to comply with the law and create necessary structure and standards. Other than a scant supply of dictates, what more do you really need? (Even Moses came back down the mountain with only 10 commandments!)

The whole question of rules was reinforced by a blog called “What Every Manager Should Know About Managing Gen Y.” It advised leaders to create ‘Gen Y-friendly rules.” In fact, the authors recommend that you review all rules that people seem to try to work around.

Better yet, put all rules on the chopping block. Start with these:

Rules you can’t or won’t enforce. If people are breaking a rule right and left, ditch it. Either it’s impossible to enforce or the organizational will isn’t there. Lack of enforcement promotes cynicism and apathy about rules in general, even the ones you really need.

Rules that upper management folks break. If rules apply to some and not to others, get rid of them. Selective enforcement of the rules contributes to a toxic work environment.

Rules that don’t help you achieve your goals. We could insist that all of our staff maintain X hours of office time. We don’t because we realize that time in the office has little, if any, relationship to our goal – delighted clients. Keep your eyes on the prize and only create rules that are necessary for achieving it.

Rules that are micromanagement in disguise. Rules that tell people what to do and how to do it should raise alarm bells. Instead of dictating the “whats” and “hows,” only require that people orient towards the right goals and adhere to your ethical standards. Then let them exercise judgment and creativity in their work.

There are some pretty outrageous rules out there, if online postings are to be believed. Even if your policies don’t include a requirement that you give 2-weeks’ notice before dying, you may want to review your list. There may be some oppressive or just unnecessary rules that are doing your organization more harm than good.

Lots of rules may be an indicator that you’re spending way too much time on the activity of work – what you will DO. When your focus in on what you will ACHIEVE, you need fewer rules. Organizations can’t dictate their way into success – that requires an unrelenting focus on where you’re going and the crucial few non-negotiable rules that will help you get there.

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

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Comfort doesn’t produce joy

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Yes, the Christmas carol wishes you “tidings of comfort and joy.” But in leadership, seldom do those two emotional states correlate. That’s because leadership requires that you continually function outside of your comfort zone. In fact, leaders must monitor themselves regularly to ensure that they have not slipped back into the cozy habit of doing their job in ways that are easy and familiar. What are the perils of comfort?

You do things you should not be doing – and can’t get to more strategic work. It can seem simpler to just do things yourself, even parts of your job that could and should be done by others. The easy road is to tell yourself you’ll get around to delegating later, when things settle down. Truth is, they won’t settle down, so ditch the comfort of your routine and force yourself to stop doing what others can. It may require you to learn a whole new skill set around when and how to delegate and hold people accountable. The end result is that you and your direct reports will become better performers.

You avoid uncomfortable emotions and performance suffers. Don’t like conflict, unhappiness or other “negative” emotions? Your coping strategies (avoidance, giving in to keep the peace, etc.) don’t serve the organization well. Conflict can actually be a good thing; when there’s high commitment, diverse ideas and productive discussion, better solutions are generated. If you want people to be happy and harmonious all the time, you’ll make choices that ensure harmony, rather than decisions that are right for the organization. Instead of expecting people to stop getting emotional, figure out why it’s happening and why it bugs you so much.

Your need for comfort takes precedence over what’s right, and can even lead to immoral choices. Not you? Well, a recent study showed that most people will do the wrong thing if it’s easier. People were more likely to cheat or avoid being altruistic if the computer program made it easier than the more noble alternative- like just clicking the Continue button. If you are all about your own comfort, you will be more likely to passively take care of your own needs over those of others. You might choose to ignore a customer need if it’s something that would be difficult for you to do, or if it might put you in a bad light. Sure, you’ll justify it (“they are just being difficult”), and life will go on. The question is, are you making the choice that promotes the greater good or the one that is most convenient for you?

You sacrifice long-term gain for short-term comfort.The need for safety and comfort is pretty low on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Focusing energy on maintaining your own contentment means that this energy isn’t available for other priorities – like leading edge innovation or creative problem solving. You short-change yourself, your people and your organization by allowing your own contentment to come first.

Still think you don’t prioritize your own comfort? Ask a trusted colleague about the ways in which you stay in your comfort zone. As difficult as it may be to hear the answer, remember the words of C.S. Lewis: “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!


Is bad always stronger than good? Feeding strengths versus eliminating weaknesses

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A recent post by Robert Sutton of Stanford University for Harvard Business Review has a provocative title, “Bad is Stronger Than Good: Evidence-Based Advice for Bosses.” The title and some of the introductory paragraphs might give you the impression that you should focus your time on what your people are doing wrong. In fact, the article contains two main takeaways:

1. In spite of making global statements, like “It’s more important to eliminate the negative,” he doesn’t mean eliminating the challenges/weaknesses that people present. He is talking about eliminating the bad apples, people who are toxic forces within the organization. Many leadership experts would agree, including Steve Tobak, who blogged on 7 Toxic Coworkers You Have to Avoid.

2.  The research quoted is related to negative experiences, people and information have a deeper impact than positive ones. Since the examples quoted are all based on romantic relationships, the applicability to work is unclear. However, it does seem logical that if bad interactions outnumber good ones, a work relationship would probably be doomed as well.

But what does this blog have to do with the average, hard-working Joe or Josephine at work? If they’re not the chronically negative and annoying types, probably not much.

What more commonly plagues many leaders is not what to do with the obviously bad apples, but how to maximize the potential of average apples with good potential and a few rough spots. While it may be distasteful and require some gumption, eliminating the bad guys is cleaner and easier than cultivating the garden-variety worker to achieve her best. That’s where the real work of leadership begins.

So how do you “polish the everyday apples” so that their innate qualities translate into excellent performance?

Set and enforce high standards. People will respond to the challenge if you establish high standards for integrity and performance. Make it plain which attitudes and behaviors are expected, and which are not to be tolerated. You’re all responsible for this pie, and every single apple has to contribute positively, even you.

Align people’s talents and enthusiasm with the job. People should be given an opportunity to do something at which they can excel. This may mean cobbling a couple of jobs together or customizing a role or project. That might seem like you’re bending too far to suit each person. In actuality, you are doing yourself and the organization a big favor. When your people are putting their abilities to best use, they bring their whole selves to work – their passion, drive and creativity. Major juice for your organizational pie!

Feed what’s working. Yes, you need to weed out any behaviors and attitudes that are detrimental to success. But most of your time should be spent pointing out what’s going well and how it supports the needs of the organization. You might also need to introduce (“seed”) new best practices. For practical tips to keep the right balance, check out our blog on feed, need, seed and weed.

Do your part of the job. It’s pretty simple. It’s about your people and how well you are able to remove barriers to their success. If that bad apple’s getting in the way, deal with it. If someone has a flaw that interferes with performance, support him to either correct it or mitigate its effects. If the flaw is yours, figure out what you need to do to manage your own imperfections.

In the words of the immortal George Jackson, as sung by the Osmond brothers, “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch, girl.” Or guy. Yes, the bad apples need to go. But bad isn’t stronger than good. We need to devote our time to what really works – on what’s right with the rest of the bunch, in order to make a practically perfect pie…or organization.

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!


Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades

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Leadership requires more than just a good effort. Intensity of effort and high standards for self and others are essential qualities. As a leader, it is your job to model the energy, adaptability and intelligence required to “take the hill.” When others might give up or settle for average, you and your team will not.

These lessons can be learned early. One of my mom’s favorite phrases when I was tempted to do a less-than-stellar job was, “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.” (Like many moms, mine is wise and eloquent.) That meant the dirty clothes were to be in the laundry hamper, not near it, and dishes were actually supposed to be clean before dried and put away (in the right spot, thank you very much).

What does this have to do with leaders? It means that ordinary isn’t good enough, and that great is expected. In fact, it seems that a strong-but-flawed leader is better than the bland version, as long as the leader’s defects are manageable. The danger of being only an adequate leader is that you will fail to set the bar high when it matters most. Some of these areas are:

Integrity. Once it’s breached, integrity is very hard, if not impossible, to get back. Personal and organizational integrity are the linchpins of success. There can be no good in these areas, only great, for you, your team and your organization.

Safety. You may think that your industry isn’t particularly dangerous. And yet it only takes one incident involving an employee, customer or community member to ruin your reputation, maybe forever. Even if you’re not governed by safety regulations, you must set the bar high and establish a culture where safety is a top priority and is continually improving.

Customer value proposition. Customers are only loyal as long as you’re providing value that can’t be found elsewhere. To keep customers, you must provide continual improvement over time, never assuming that your past WOWs will keep customers coming back. Leaders must ensure that employees don’t back off, especially after they’ve provided very high value. The temptation to lower standards and take a break must be overcome if you are to keep that customer happy.

Organizational culture. First, never settle for “okay” when you’re hiring. Failure to do so is the equivalent of peeing in your own soup, as a recent BNET blog post noted. Look for people who share your vision and are committed to your ideals. Once you’ve brought that amazing person on board, hold her accountable for the right things – the organization’s mission, vision and values, and give free reign to ingenuity and creativity. Before you know it, your people will be creating value you had not yet imagined.

While setting high standards for behavior doesn’t mean you’ll always be successful, that does not mean that those benchmarks are negotiable. Failure to achieve high standards requires a disciplined and honest look at why it happened and what safeguards must be put in place to ensure it does not recur.

Establishing high benchmarks is really a gift to yourself and others. Remember the words of Hamilton Wright Mabie, “The mother loves her child most divinely, not when she surrounds him with comfort and anticipates his wants, but when she resolutely holds him to the highest standards and is content with nothing less than his best.”

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!