Category Archives: Mutual Understanding

Listen when you do not want to hear

Posted on by
Reply

On a couple of occasions recently, I’ve been challenged to listen to feedback that I did not welcome. In one case, it was a long-term member of an organization in which I hold a volunteer leadership role. This person was upset about a number of issues, and was airing some long-held grievances.

In the second example, we got some feedback at work that something we’d done wasn’t particularly helpful. A colleague and I had to figure out how to respond, even though our first reaction was, “What could he possibly mean?!”

When an idea is hard to hear, that’s when we need to work the hardest to tune in. Yes, feedback is a gift. But if we are to be truthful, sometimes we don’t want it, or we want to “spin” it to minimize its impact and keep ourselves comfortable.

How can you respond productively when your first impulse is to dismiss it or get angry?

Just listen. Resist the urge to respond right away. Think of yourself as a sponge, absorbing the message without judgment.

Seek to understand. Again, without assessing its validity, seek to understand the issue from the other’s perspective. Ask questions with the intent of learning more and seeing the issue from another viewpoint.

See the whole picture. MindTool’s Feedback Matrix is a great tool to help you break down the feedback into what was expected/unexpected and positive/negative. While unexpected negative feedback can be difficult to process, recognize we’re all on a path of continuous improvement. So, there’s something you need to work on….that’s OK. Understand that the feedback is not an indictment of your overall performance. Keep perspective and respond appropriately.

Take a break. When you are caught off guard by feedback, sometimes it’s best to take some time before responding. Say, “Thank you for telling me. I’m trying to absorb what you’ve said. Can we get back together tomorrow?”

Consider the source. If your feedback is from someone whose intentions are not constructive, seek a second opinion from someone who can give you an unbiased evaluation. Don’t go to a friend who will match your indignation and help you feel better. You may find that the “spiteful critic’s” feedback really was a gift.

Most feedback contains at least a kernel of truth, even if you find the majority of it to be inaccurate or unfair. Make it your responsibility to find some value in the message and take action to improve.

 

Got some “ouchy” feedback and don’t know where to proceed? Contact Humanergy.

Photo from iStockphoto.


One simple way to show you care

Posted on by
2

I am in a meeting with someone, talking about the status of projects, next steps and responsibilities. As usual, I bring along a notepad and pen to jot down important details that I know I won’t remember. (I have given up the illusion that I am capable of remembering anything.)

The other person actively engages in the conversation and writes down nothing.

Is it just me, or is that just…wrong? I have actually told our interns that they need to take notes. I don’t care if they use paper or their phone, or if they even write something on their bodies with a pen. Just care enough (or in my case, be humble enough) to write something down.

David Wheatley, one of Humanergy’s founders, refers to this as the latest in technological devices – the iCare. Regardless of the type of technology you use, writing things down shows you care enough to track conversations and commitments. It also acknowledges the reality that for most of us, memories really don’t last forever (and rarely even an hour).

Need help tracking your commitments? Contact Humanergy.

Photo from stockxchng.

 


Rituals at work

Posted on by
Reply

We typically associate ritual with religious services, mystical practices or organizations like the Masons. A ritual, according to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, is 1) the established form for a ceremony or 2) a ritual observance, ceremonial act or an act (or series of acts) regularly repeated in a set precise manner.

Lindsay Mannering wrote in the Huffington Post about rituals, saying, “I like to think that rituals are our way of telling the future: we know what to expect when, and we know what to do how.” In addition to helping us anticipate the future, are there other useful aspects of workplace rituals?

Rituals reduce stress and increase focus. I have loved my summer work schedule, which includes arriving early in the morning, before anyone else is in the office. In addition to checking voicemail and email, I open the front door and take a moment to appreciate the day’s weather. I breathe deeply and get ready to start the day. This daily ritual has allowed me to be more productive, because I begin the day more calm and relaxed.

Rituals bind people together. When Humanergists bring in new work, we ring a bell dedicated to that purpose. Bell ringing has become a joyful act, even if it is a little corny. It forms a shared memory that unites us, signifying that something wonderful has happened as a result of our work together.

Rituals make best practices stick. Some people have a daily practice of walking around and touching base with people in the workplace. Because it’s a routine (or ritual), they don’t make a conscious choice each day. It’s just what they do. The benefits of this discipline are many – increased connection, better communication flow and an accurate understanding of the “pulse” of the organization.

Rituals allow us to free our minds and focus deeper, increasing our presence on the task at hand. Adam Kayce blogs about the intention that is required:

“What makes the difference? Intention. Have the intention to carry your focus and presence deeper as you do your daily rituals, and see what happens. If you’ve never thought of your work as potential for ritual before, take a moment and reflect on your day… where does this idea of ritual make perfect sense?”

Do you want to use ritual to build best practice and make work more meaningful? Or, do you want to chat about another topic that’s on your mind? Contact Humanergy.

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng.


Leadership requirement: X-ray vision

Posted on by
Reply

High performance leaders know how to read the pulse of the organization. They regularly adjust strategies and tactics based on their understanding of what is really going on. This type of X-ray vision is the ability to see the unknown, inner mechanism of people and organizations. Leaders with x-ray vision:

Understand the meaning behind surprises. When people are surprised it gives you insight to their internal landscape of beliefs and expectations. You will also learn more about your own assumptions and recognize that not everyone views the world as you do.

Gain insight from people’s emotions.  When people have an emotional reaction, they are really communicating about something that is important to them. Conversely, if they are working hard to contain an emotional response, that also gives a clue that the issue is significant. Be aware of and sensitive to people’s responses, and your analysis will be better informed.

Recognize the importance of noise.  We’ve all seen it. A seemingly minimal change creates a furor. People become frustrated, distracted and unproductive. This “noise” tells you that something isn’t right or a process is not working. Dig deeper and listen carefully to analyze what is happening, before you respond.

Watch for the vacuum. The signs are chaos, stress and an increasing number of unanswered questions. These symptoms indicate that some aspect of leadership isn’t being filled. Respond quickly with a clear vision and the direction that your people need to move forward. No matter what, the vacuum will be filled. It’s up to you to ensure that it happens productively.

Practice “show me.” When you’re fuzzy about what’s going on, get out of your office. Go connect with your people, see firsthand the challenges they encounter and observe how they resolve them. You will have a more complete picture of their world and be better equipped to support them in their work.

Practice “teach me.”  There is no substitute for direct personal experience. You will further deepen your understanding (and credibility) if you ask others to teach you what they know. Ideally, you should then roll up your sleeves and grapple with this new task. You’ll be better able to strategically address gaps and foster learning when you know from experience how hard it is to get the job done.

Summarize their understanding for others. You’ve gone out there with your x-ray vision, and you think you’ve gleaned just the right information. Before you leap to making changes, restate your insights to others to make sure you’ve got it right. You need to be open to the possibility that other eyes “reading” the situation have picked up on a nuance you’ve missed.

Are fully present. X-ray vision requires that you are not caught up in your own head, your own thinking and your own agenda. In Mark Goulston’s blog on presence for Fast Company, he quotes Wilfred Bion about the importance of listening without memory or desire: “…when you listen with memory, you have an old agenda that you are trying to plug/maneuver someone into and when you listen with desire, you have a new agenda that you’re trying to do the same thing. In neither case are you listening to their agenda and in neither case are you present.”

X-ray vision gives you a new perspective on reality – allowing you to experience its full, connected complexity over time. It takes dedication and hard work to look beyond the surface as an ongoing discipline. As Alfred North Whitehead said, “It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious.”

 

Want to find out how you can acquire x-ray vision or teach this super-power to others? Contact Humanergy.

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng.


Are you listening to yourself?

Posted on by
1

In honor of our 150th blog post, Humanergy is giving you a little present – our shortest post yet.

It’s a simple idea, really. Just for today, listen to yourself.

It’s easy to move and think and speak so fast that you aren’t aware of what you say or how you say it. (Okay, it’s me. I do that. But maybe you do, too.)

You may find that your words or tone get in the way of your best intentions. In the final analysis, you are what you do.

So, speak carefully and perhaps less often.

Thanks for receiving our blog each week. If you’d like to suggest a topic, write it in the comment box below. Or, talk to Humanergy about what’s on your mind. Contact us.

Photo purchased from istockphoto.


What you need is some tension!

Posted on by
1

Few people would lobby for more tension at work. Yet there are ways in which tension can not only be helpful, but transformative. Artists talk about the need to linger in a state of tension in order for the creative juices to flow. Likewise, people in organizations need a little agitation to keep collaboration alive.

Jim King wrote in an HBR blog that tension in teams is a good thing. He praises teams who handle it openly and don’t bury discomfort in the name of team unity. To keep discomfort to a minimum, Mr. King recommends physically arranging the team around a whiteboard, so that they are facing “the issue” instead of other team members. He also reinforced the need to keep the discussion focused on facts, not personal aspects. Too often, people assume that others have the same knowledge, when in fact they see reality much differently. Aligning on the verifiable truth early will avoid angry outbursts later.

Taken too far or dealt with inappropriately, tension can be destructive. How can you diagnose whether the tension your team is experiencing is destructive or transformative? The telltale signs of destructive tension are:

  • People frequently use the phrase, “Yes, BUT…”
  • Thinking is narrow, limited to short-term or the current situation only
  • Individuals “own” parts of the process or project and aren’t open to others’ ideas
  • There is lots of talking, but little listening
  • Little to no mutual understanding
  • Tension is not dealt with openly, but shows itself indirectly (e.g., snide remarks, silos and lack of communication)

When you have transformative tension in your team, you will see an increase in:

  • Creativity and innovation
  • Free flow of ideas
  • Listening for deep mutual understanding
  • Respectful treatment of everyone
  • Valuing ideas, even if they are new or unusual
  • Use of the term “Yes, AND…” to build on suggestions
  • Group ownership of projects and processes
  • Acceptance that positive tension can be productive and necessary

Maybe we should embrace the fact that tension is an inevitable and even necessary part of work life. As the old saying goes, Goodbye tension, hello pension!

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng


Are you part of a culture of intimidation?

Posted on by
4

You may be thinking, “Me? I’d never be a leader in an organization whose culture was intimidating! I’m a nice person!” Unfortunately, organizational culture and habits have a tendency to creep, if we’re not careful. There may be some ways in which you and other leaders contribute to people feeling constrained and bullied. You’ve just been too busy or narrow in your focus to recognize it. What are the symptoms of subtle intimidation?

Fuzzy accountability, blame and consequences that don’t fit. People aren’t exactly sure what they should be doing or what boundaries exist for their work. Expectations are unclear or inconsistent from one day to the next or one leader to the next. When things go wrong, the finger gets pointed, and the consequences don’t seem appropriate given the mistakes that were made.

Intense focus on what’s going wrong. Time, energy and emotion are invested in communicating about the problems and errors, and little is said about what’s working. Employees keep their heads down and hope for the best (or at least that they’re not the ones in the wrong this time). Sometimes negative feedback is delivered indirectly, such as jabs disguised as jokes.

Intermittent, inconsistent communication. Employees hear different messages from leaders, if they hear much at all. There is no context to what is communicated, so people don’t understand the importance and priority of the message. Confusion is common, and solutions are imperfect, since people don’t have access to necessary information.

Delegation is usually “swoop and poop” or micromanaging. Lacking the time (really, it’s commitment) to delegate appropriately, leaders plop projects in people’s inboxes, give direction via short, curt email or only half-delegate and then hover to make sure the work is getting done right.

Leaders don’t want feedback. Leaders may say they want critical feedback, but employees understand that this would come with grave consequences. “Remember Joe? Well, he criticized the boss and got canned.”

Leaders give feedback indirectly or vaguely. Often the person who needs the feedback is the last to know, as people discuss Sue’s problem with everyone but Sue. When leaders give feedback to their direct reports, they beat around the bush and don’t connect the dots between the direct report’s behavior and its impact. This leaves employees wondering what they did in the first place and uncertain about where they stand with their boss.

People create silos for support. To protect themselves or to gain power, people develop a group of allies within the organization. “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.” Invisible silos of alliances exist and everyone knows who is in whose camp, even if it is not openly acknowledged.

If even one of these statements ring true, it’s time to take a stand and promote change. Start by modeling effective listening and openness yourself. Like everyone, you are not fully aware of the impact of your own behavior. Seek information to decrease your own self-deception. Then find like-minded people within the organization and ask, “Is this culture one that enables us to meet tomorrow’s challenges and achieve necessary results?”

Work together to build a safe, healthy and productive culture that allows people to fully engage in the organization’s mission and make a difference. Good intentions won’t change anything. As Mae West said, “An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.”

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng


Wait…what did she mean by that?

Posted on by
Reply

You walk out of your boss’ office after a detailed discussion about the PDQ Project. You sit down at your computer, take out your notes, and begin amending the project plan. Suddenly that fruitful discussion has morphed into cloudy confusion. You’re not at all sure you really “get” what she said. What now? Walk back in and request more time? Send her an email with a list of questions? No matter what, you are pretty sure you’re going to look foolish or be an annoyance.

How could this situation be avoided?

Confirm who “owns” the agenda item. Sometimes meeting with the boss can lead to ownership confusion, particularly if your supervisor is enthusiastic and talkative. You may misinterpret his zeal for wanting to be in charge of the topic. Clarify in your own mind that this is something you’re taking the lead on, and then act accordingly.

Preparation is key. Decide in advance what outputs (results) you want from the meeting with your boss. Then outline the general flow of the conversation that will lead to those outputs. Consider in advance how the conversation might wander, and prepare a response, like “I think that’s a great topic for the team, and I’ll put it on the agenda for Friday’s meeting.”

Stay focused, and do it nicely. You may not be hearing what you need from your boss due to your own habit of interrupting. Resist the urge to push the conversation too quickly by interrupting your supervisor mid-sentence. Do ask her to stay on topic with you, but exercise patience. Sometimes the rambling road has a rich payoff, and sometimes it’s a dead end. It’s your job to recognize both and guide the conversation accordingly.

Ask clarifying questions. You won’t look simple-minded if you ask follow-up questions, like “Can you give me an example?” or “Are there other ways to apply this idea?” or “Can you tell me more about that?”

Allow for thinking time. It’s okay for you to say, “I’m going to take a moment to gather my thoughts.” Use that time to mentally organize what you’ve heard, jot notes and ask questions that clarify. Likewise, allow your boss space to process what you’ve said in order to respond appropriately.

Close the loop. Simply stated, this means restate what you’ve heard your boss say and ask him to do the same. It’s not so simple to do, particularly if you’ve convinced yourself that you’ve already got the message and don’t need to bother feeding it back. Just remember the consequences of confusion. Exercise the discipline of reviewing your understanding, and you won’t have to endure the embarrassment of clarifying later.

How can you gracefully regroup when you discover that you didn’t really “get” what your boss was communicating?

Get other help. There may be other people who can help you understand what you missed the first time. Check this out, but recognize that you might not be able to avoid the conversation with the boss.

Own it. Don’t try to fool the boss into thinking you got it the first time around. Admit that upon further thought, there were some points that you missed. Above all, don’t accuse her of being confusing, just because you were confused.

Prepare again. Figure out the one or two points you need to clarify, and that’s it. (If you missed more than that, you need a wholesale re-evaluation of your communication skills.) Ask for 10 or 15 minutes of the boss’ time and stick to that.

Say thanks. Thank your boss for his time, and tell him what you’re doing to make sure this doesn’t happen again. You don’t need to give him your plan in detail, but say something like, “For our next meeting, I am going to take more notes and regroup at the end of our time together to make sure I got it.”

Don’t do it again. Not catching on to some of the key ideas once is understandable, twice is annoying and three times gets you pegged as a bad listener and time waster.

We’ve all been there at one time or another – either as the confused or the confuser. Work on your own clarity of communication, and you’ll probably find that you’re less perplexed by others as well. Remember that what is so obviously obvious to you isn’t obvious to others, and vice versa.

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng


Dangerous assumptions bosses make every day

Posted on by
2

Shawna left the meeting feeling like her hiring decision had been all wrong. Why couldn’t Hector manage this project on his own? When Shawna was in his role, she was able to make decisions and move forward with little direction from the boss. Maybe it was time to consider moving Hector into a job that fit his apparent abilities.

We all make assumptions, even if we think we don’t. We assume that the people around us have (or should have) the same knowledge, experiences, understanding, beliefs and feelings as ourselves. When we communicate, how often do we check our assumptions? We rarely do…until our differences become apparent, and then it’s often too late to repair the damage. What types of assumptions might you be making, and how can you avoid them?

My direct reports and I have the same knowledge or understanding of business realities. This assumption can easily be validated by having regular discussions with your team about the context and reality your organization faces, including the “big picture.” You may be surprised to know that they either don’t know as much as you think or need help in understanding the implications for their work. You need to actively engage to help them comprehend how what they do fits into the bigger scheme. Redouble your efforts to communicate as much information as you can. This will enable them to do their jobs now and anticipate future change.

I understand how my direct reports feel about their work. Most bosses only see part of the reality for their people, but rarely the whole unvarnished truth. Sometimes the issues are transient and don’t require your input. Other times, an employee may not want to share the full measure of his/her frustration for fear of being seen as negative. While you may not be in tune with the day-to-day angst, stay connected with your people so that you don’t miss a critical issue that could impact the team’s performance.

My direct reports know when I’m just joking around. Flippant, sarcastic and humorous remarks may seem innocuous to you. Your team may be interpreting these comments very differently – searching for hidden meanings, taking “digs” to heart or otherwise misconstruing your intent. Save yourself the grief and loss of productivity by minimizing your attempts at humor. Instead, state your intended messages very clearly.

My direct reports and I approach a task in the same way. One of the most dangerous assumptions is that your people (must) do their jobs in the same way you would. Even if you recently held a position, you may find that your successor organizes the work differently, uses his/her distinctive skills and draws upon completely unique life experiences. Keep your focus on the results you need and allow people to achieve them in their own best way.

You may think that you are assumption-free. But how many times have you thought, Everyone knows that…. or When I was in your role… or How can she possibly do it that way? Replace those thoughts with communication that clarifies, such as Tell me more about that or Give me an example or Help me understand.

One of the most powerful attributes of any team is its diversity of experience, skill and knowledge. Recognizing that you filter reality through your own lens, take time to first understand what you may take for granted. Then be diligent in seeking to better understand your team by asking open-ended questions and honoring their unique perspectives. When you do that, you enrich your own view of the world and become a more well-rounded leader. Avoiding dangerous assumptions also means a more engaged team, better results and maximum impact. Not a bad set of outcomes, we assume!

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng


Got simmering frustrations?

Posted on by
Reply

My boss never gives me a straight answer.

How can I supervise someone who doesn’t want to work hard?

I shouldn’t have to do my peer’s job for him.

Are simmering frustrations affecting your performance? How we handle irritations (or not), contributes to the intensity of our annoyance.

Some of the most insidious types of frustrations are the ones that you don’t resolve. You might think you’ve done your part – asked the right questions, delegated fully or communicated your expectations. You adopt the attitude of, hey, I tried, but it didn’t work. You give up, and try not to think about it, but the tension is still there.

Allowing these undercurrents to remain will keep you stuck, unable to move forward. Because simmering has a way of intensifying these grievances, your angst increases over time. Should someone inadvertently push one of your buttons, your reaction will seem way out of proportion to the current situation. These unresolved issues are potential landmines for you and those around you.

How can you address your pent-up frustrations?

Make good choices yourself. The only person you can control is you. Have your actions contributed to the situation? Rather than dwelling on what others should do, take positive action that is focused on the greater good. And be willing to admit that you bear some responsibility as well.

Figure out if you can do anything. Something might bug you, but is it really something you can mitigate? If you can’t control or influence the situation in any way, let it go. If it’s a minor detail or simply a difference in approach, make a conscious choice not to worry about it. Reserve your energies for the things that you can change – and that impact your life and the organization’s success.

Assume positive intent. Thinking things like, Sue is lazy and won’t ever change, not only won’t resolve your issue, it will amplify it. Assume that the Sue’s intent is positive, and that she might not be at fault. Listen with an open mind, working hard to understand her reality.

Communicate well. Was your initial communication perfectly clear and fully representative of your feelings about the issue? Does the other person understand the issue in the same way you do? If you don’t check, you can’t be sure. Address the issue again. This time, choose your words carefully and listen well. Ask the other person to summarize his understanding as you talk. What you hear may surprise you.

Clearly state your own expectations and needs. Even if you think you’ve already done this, restate what you need or want out of the situation. Too often people soft-pedal when it comes to their expectations, and then become frustrated when their needs are not met. Hinting that you think you might be ready for a promotion is not the same as stating your case decisively.

Martyrdom and leadership can’t co-exist. Allowing issues to smolder makes you cranky, unpredictable and ineffective, and the effects multiply over time. Whoopi Goldberg once said, “I don’t have pet peeves. I have whole kennels of irritation.” Free yourself from your irritations with some crystal clear communication, complete listening and a healthy dose of humility.

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!