Monthly Archives: July 2012

Empathy: Not just for the touchy-feely

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I worked for a boss once who was profoundly uncomfortable with feelings. He was a likeable guy who preferred to keep his distance when things got personal or emotional. It wasn’t unusual for him to miss meetings where contentious issues were going to be discussed.

My boss’ lack of empathy allowed him to deal with the facts at hand, without the complication of wading into various perspectives or attitudes. What he lost, however, was the ability to maximize our emotional intelligence, an important factor in team success.

Empathy was defined by Daniel Goleman in the HBR article, What Makes a Leader, as “the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people” and “skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions.”

If you’re thinking that empathy is an unnecessary distraction, consider its benefits to leaders:

Empathy gives you insight. You will gain a richer understanding of your organization’s people, competitors and customers – and therefore make better decisions.

Empathy enhances influence. You will not be able to sway your peers or boss without understanding their perspectives and attitudes. Your attempts at persuasion will fall on deaf ears if you do not connect with what is important to them.

Empathy helps you leverage diversity. Your team is composed of people with skills, experiences and cultural backgrounds that are different from yours. Asking genuine questions and not making assumptions will help you not only “get them” as people, it will also allow you to tap into their interests and utilize their unique abilities.

How to enhance empathy?

Start with humility. You haven’t got it all figured out. Recognize that you need all of your people’s capabilities – tangible and intangible – to succeed.

Be curious. Listen more and talk less. Ask questions about what people are thinking and feeling. Don’t assume you already know.

Ask for feedback and input, and really mean it. Use the ideas and innovations that your team shares. This will encourage people to share more over time.

Empathy isn’t a magic bullet, as noted by Steve Tobak in a recent post. It is an important tool for your leadership toolbox that should be regularly used.

“If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it” (Atticus Finch, a fictitious character in the book, To Kill a Mockingbird).

 

To find out more about how you can beef up your empathy, contact Humanergy.

Photo from istockphoto


Stressed? Breathe!

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(This is part of the stress reduction series co-authored by Launda Wheatley, Humanergy’s resident wellness expert and mind/body guru.)

If you find yourself feeling tense, there is something you can do that is quick, effective and requires no special equipment. If you are like most people, you regularly breathe in short bursts, from the chest up. To reduce stress, the first step is to change the way you’re breathing.

Follow these easy steps for almost-instant stress reduction:

1. Breathe naturally for one minute, focusing only on your breath. If thoughts encroach, note them and go back to focusing on your breathing.

2. Notice how you are sitting, and sit up taller. Let any stiffness or tightness in your body fade away with each exhale.

3. Exhale longer, counting slowly to 6 for each exhale. Breathe in this way for several minutes.

Want a 5-minute guided breathing exercise? Check out this video by the Mayo Clinic.

Breathing deeply pays dividends over time – reducing stress, alleviating pain and improving sleep. It sure beats the method I often use to combat stress – working faster and harder. As Harry Emerson Fosdick said, “No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it.”

 

Need to create a happier work life? Contact Humanergy.

Photo from Raa_Szz on stock xchng

 


When do you put out the red carpet?

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When we’re recruiting new employees, it’s tempting to paint a rosy picture. We want to impress these candidates, especially if we think they possess the skills we desperately need.

One of Humanergy’s clients recently noted, “The typical organization puts out the red carpet when hiring, then the vinyl flooring during onboarding. We do just the opposite.”

What they meant was that they expose candidates to the brutal (and wonderful) reality of the job during the hiring process. They strive to be as realistic as possible about the challenges, working conditions, deliverables and organizational culture.

The typical interview process is part “inform” and part “woo.” Make sure that you don’t err on the side of under-informing. Not sharing the “nitty-gritty” details can result in unrealistic expectations and misalignment from day one. That could mean that you’ll have to repeat the hiring process sooner than you’d like.

When you’re hiring, don’t just allow candidates to try to figure out how it will be to work at your organization. Be as thorough as you can, giving people a realistic preview of the scope, role and culture if they choose to take the job.

The biggest payoff of the “vinyl flooring” approach is that you will save time and money getting the right person in the right position the first time around. After all, as Ray Kroc said, “You’re only as good as the people you hire.”

Contact Humanergy for more information about hiring and making the most of your terrific people!

Photo courtesy of sxc.hu


Don’t worry, be happy

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I used to be a prolific worrier. Until my mid-thirties, my worries ranged from anxiety about my unreliable car to whether the world was going to implode. As with many people, middle-of-the-night worrying interrupted my sleep, when a cornucopia of real or perceived threats kept me tossing and turning.

Worrying is a tough habit to break, and it’s worth the effort. Why?

Chronic worrying is bad for your health. According to WebMD: Chronic worrying affects your daily life so much that it interferes with your appetite, lifestyle habits, relationships, sleep, and job performance.

It is easy to confuse worrying with problem solving. Worrying doesn’t actually solve anything, and the more time you spend worrying, the more problems (real or imagined) you’ll find. No solutions, just a host of problems that will probably never come to pass.

There is no easy solution for us worry warts, however, there are strategies that can help create a more carefree existence:

Figure out what you worry about. You might need to dig to find the source of “free-floating anxiety.” If you worry most about relationships, for example, you can take steps to improve them. If you worry about everything, you might need some help for generalized anxiety disorder.

Schedule worrying. The Mayo Clinic suggests setting aside a time for worrying. (They suggest this to caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients, but I think it applies to anyone.) Mayo Clinic blogger Angela Lunde suggests, “When worry or other draining emotion begins to consume your thoughts, acknowledge it and then commit that you will give it your full attention during “worry time”. Until then, give yourself permission to put it out of your mind.”

Create a memory jogger. If you really want to break the worrying habit, do something that reminds you that you’re taking a new approach to your troubles. Wear your watch on the other arm, or set your mobile phone alarm to remind yourself periodically to check and reset your thinking.

Replace your worries with new thinking. How did I break the worrying habit? I decided to stop worrying about things outside of my control, and replace those negative internal messages with positive ones. Whenever I found myself worrying about layoffs at work, I would change my thought to, “I will continue to do my best, and ultimately this will all work out.”

Talk and write. Putting your worries into words in and of itself can make you feel better. This can also help you figure out if your problems are real or inflated. Talk with a trusted friend or confidant, and let this person know how they can help (like listen, ask questions or give advice). Writing about your worries allows you to clarify your thoughts and feelings, and gives you a great record of what’s bugging you when and why.

Use worrying to your advantage. A mild amount of disquiet can be motivational. If you’re feeling a little anxious about something at work, use that energy to fuel disciplined action and boost execution.

Sometimes we are dealt a hand that is extremely hard to handle. When this happens, worrying is natural. A brief period of anxiety should be immediately followed by creating a plan and making it happen. “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere” (author unknown).