Tag Archives: behavior

Name your leadership genius

Posted on by
1

Should you spend more time leveraging your strengths or fixing your weaknesses? Evidence suggests that leaders are more effective when they focus on maximizing their natural capabilities. Stories abound of people who failed when they jumped into positions that did not align with their core areas of competence.

You probably have a pretty good idea of what you do well and could list your strengths. A somewhat tougher question is, “What is your unique, distinguishing ability as a leader?”

That area of competence is the quality that you should be zeroing in on to accomplish your goals. Bob Rothman, co-chief operating officer at Gap International, says this is your genius – your best thinking that leads to outstanding performance.

Your leadership genius might be articulating the vision for the organization or helping employees grow and develop. If you’re not sure, ask a few trusted colleagues. To make the most of your capabilities, figure out “What is my leadership genius and how can I leverage this extreme competence?”

 

Need to make the most of what you do best? Contact Humanergy.

Photo from stock.xchng

 


Can you fix people?

Posted on by
2

We have heard it before. “You can’t change people.” Yet we persist with the idea that if we just use the right words at the right time, the other person will “get it.”

In “Leadership in the Age of Complexity: From Hero to Host” Margaret Wheatley (no relation to Humanergy’s co-founder, David Wheatley) talks about the myth of the heroic leader. One thing the heroic leader believes is that people will do what they are told, if they are given good enough instructions.

The problem here is the illusion that leaders control what they cannot, like what others do, think or feel. What you can control is your own actions.

Rather than jumping in to correct what’s wrong with their people, leaders can be a positive influence and provide support. They can:

Articulate a vision for the future

Be specific about expectations

Ask great questions

Give feedback on behaviors

Protect people from bureaucracy, politics and other distractions

Celebrate wins

When you feel the urge to jump in and fix a person, say, “I want to help. How can I best do that?”

Want to help your people navigate choppy waters? Contact Humanergy.

Photo from stock.xchng


Leadership examined

Posted on by
Reply

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates

Life seems to move at the speed of light, and most leaders don’t feel they have the luxury of stepping back to reflect. Yes, you may do a project debrief when you finish a chunk of work. But when was the last time you took the time to reflect on your organization or your leadership as a whole?

The downside of examining our work in bits and pieces is that we don’t see patterns of thinking, behavior and results. We miss the interconnections between the success of Project A with the missteps with Client B.

How do you focus on the bigger picture without the luxury of lots of time?

Journal. I used to dismiss the benefits of journaling, until I tried it. I know I struggle with doing something every day, so I don’t hold myself to that rigid standard. Regular journaling, however, has helped me see connections that I would have otherwise missed. I recognized patterns in my behavior that worked and some that didn’t. I also was able to see progress over time by re-reading entries from months earlier. Quite motivating!

Use words and pictures. While I tend to be a word person, I find that visualizing problems and solutions in pictures unleashes new thinking and insights. It isn’t easy for me, and that is why the payoff is so great.

Get away. A change of space often frees the mind. Even something as simple as relocating to the coffee shop for 20 minutes can unleash your creativity. Just stay focused on asking your “why?” questions, rather than chatting with your fellow caffeine imbibers.

You don’t have to escape to a mountain retreat to find some space for contemplation. Turn off your media for ten minutes and tune into the big picture. You may be amazed at what your “examined life” produces.

Want some help discovering connections and patterns? Contact Humanergy.

Picture from stock.xchng

 


Assume the best

Posted on by
Reply

You get to work and read an email from a coworker:

Christi – the side door was left unlocked between 2 and 3 pm again. Have you thought of creating a checklist that will help you remember?

Jane

You think:

  • What a jerk
  • Thanks for the helpful suggestion. I’ll try it!
  • She seems to have good ideas, so maybe she can help me figure out what to do

Your answer to this question says a lot about what you believe to be true about people. If you sometimes think the worst of people, you can change and more often give people the benefit of the doubt. Try these tips:

Slow things down. A frenetic pace can promote reactivity and impatience. Take a moment to stop, think and choose your behavior.

Train yourself to think from others’ point of view. Remember that people bring a diversity of culture, learning and experience to every life situation. Practice thinking, “I wonder why she feels that way” and respond based upon genuine curiosity. Learn why they take the actions they take. Ask about what you don’t understand.

Give yourself cues. Display a picture or quote that reminds you of people’s positive qualities. Light a scented candle or play relaxing music to set a laid-back tone.

Treat yourself with respect. People who are critical of others are often their own worst critic. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and it will be easier to lighten up with others as well.

Remember that giving others a break is really doing you a favor. When you assume the best, you experience less stress. It doesn’t mean you won’t confront truly inappropriate behavior. You just don’t assume that every possible slight is real or intentional. By choosing your battles, you have more productive energy for addressing the issues that matter most.

People are fallible and everyone makes mistakes. You might assume that some of these mistakes are directed at you. In reality, most often, the behavior is a result of ignorance or a different frame of reference. Or, said less kindly in the phrase known as Hanlon’s Razor, “Never assume malice when stupidity will suffice.”

 

 

Need to make a commitment to assume positive intent? Contact Humanergy.

Photo from istockphoto.

 

 


5 tips for thriving on the receiving end of change

Posted on by
1

Most advice about change is directed at leaders, often dealing with managing employees’ reactions to change. There are far fewer books and articles written from an employee-facing-change perspective.

To roll with change in your organization, start with these tips:

1. Recognize your starting point as it relates to change. In general, do you go with the flow and adapt quickly? If yes, hurray for you! However, if change or ambiguity throw you for a loop, you need to prepare for change more carefully by attending to the following tips.

2. Be honest about your concerns and feelings. Admit (at least to yourself) if the impending change creates anxiety, fear or even anger. The only way to move past these emotions is to acknowledge them first. Take some time to examine your reaction to the upcoming change. Seek the counsel of a trusted mentor to help you formulate a plan to manage your feelings while you make the necessary adjustments.

3. Learn about the context for change. Talk with your boss about why the change is important to the organization. If you get the business case for the change – and the negative impact of not changing – you’ll find it easier to buy in.

4. Ask lots of questions, but don’t expect all the answers right away. Your leaders don’t have a fool-proof crystal ball. There will be unanticipated events, modifications and impact. Some ambiguity is to be expected.

5. Choose your behavior. You could join the vocal opposition or an underground movement for the status quo. While that may delay the change, your reputation will be damaged. If you can’t be an early adopter, strive to be at least a neutral-to-positive force for change. Above all, don’t feed the gossip mill, and confront peers whose behavior is inappropriate.

Some changes may so profoundly affect the organization or your role that staying on the job is difficult, even impossible. As with any unknown, expect the best AND prepare for the worst. As Charles R. Swindoll said, “We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”

 

Struggling with change? Contact Humanergy

Photo from istockphoto


Nobody will tell you that you are unapproachable

Posted on by
1

Intimidating, standoffish, mean and aloof. These are not words you want people to use when they describe you. The sad reality is that people who create this perception in others are often not aware of it.

Think about it. Would you approach a snarly coworker to have a conversation about how she is perceived? Not unless you’re forced to do so.

Even if you pick up on clues along the way that people have problems with you, it’s easier to blame them. Or too much work. Or your boss. Or anything other than your own behavior.

Some people embrace their crusty, bad-humored demeanor. They falsely assume that this will help them gain respect. In fact, all it does is ensure that people won’t ask them questions, seek their input or give much credence to their opinions.

Want to find out if people think you’re unapproachable? Put on your most inviting smile, use a soothing voice, and ask a candid coworker (or two). Listen and don’t react. Above all, don’t get defensive. Just say “thanks” and get to work on a plan to change both your thinking and behavior. (This is one situation where a coach is extremely beneficial.)

“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly” (Jim Rohn).

 

 

 

 


How to respond to offensive remarks

Posted on by
1

How many times have you heard a comment that struck you as disrespectful or offensive, and you didn’t respond? Maybe you didn’t know the other person, and felt too awkward to comment. Maybe you just weren’t sure you wanted to wade into the issue. Many of us (myself included) have opted not to comment, because we are afraid of the consequences or are unsure of what to say.

You don’t have to confront every piece of communication with which you don’t agree. When should you engage, having heard what you feel is a demeaning remark?

When it offends you. This may be obvious, but sometimes we think, “maybe I’m being too sensitive.” That’s usually just a way of avoiding the issue. If you find the remark offensive, that’s grounds enough to comment on it. You don’t need a panel of experts backing you up.

When the comment is made within your conversation. Overhearing a rude outburst from afar might give you a free pass. However, if someone makes an offensive remark in the context of your discussion, you can and should respond. Even if the words weren’t directed at you, it is still important to weigh in.

When you know the person. Strangers behaving badly may benefit from some type of intervention. Friends and colleagues definitely would. The difference here is your ability to influence their thinking and behavior. You owe it to the other person to bring the matter to their attention.

When you have the power. Let’s face it. There are some people who are in a much better position to confront distasteful speech. Leaders must role model the standards of the organization and confront those who disregard those standards. The implicit message when you say nothing is to approve.

When you know you should weigh in, how can you do so in a way that is maximally constructive?

Be brief. There is no need to launch into a protracted speech on the distasteful statement. Get to the point. “I found the term “fairy” to be offensive,” for example.

Stay focused on observable behavior. Resist the urge to extrapolate and comment on the person’s attitude or beliefs. “You used the word “girl” to refer to a grown woman.” Leave out your personal opinion that the person is a sexist.

Be willing to educate. Often people are operating out of ignorance and do not intend to be disrespectful. Assume that this is the case, until proven otherwise. A comment like, “that term has negative connotation you may not be aware of,” may pave the way to increased awareness.

State your feelings. After you’ve named the behavior, it is more than appropriate to state how you felt about it. “I felt offended [hurt] [angry].” This will help the other individual understand your true perspective and the impact of his behavior.

Be respectful and loving. It might seem strange to respond with care to a person who has said something you found repugnant. However, don’t give in to your urge to demean the speaker. Doing so would only inflame the situation, and may cause the other person to shut down and stop listening. Remember that your goal is to promote and model respectful communication; you won’t do that if you respond angrily.

Remain firm in your feedback. “Hey, lighten up,” can be a common response to being confronted. Simply stated, offensive speech is not trivial. At work, it can be illegal or at least highly disruptive. Your feedback is valid, regardless of the other person’s receptivity (or lack thereof).

Report abuse or discrimination. Persons who are verbally abusive or practice discrimination have no place in your organization. Take action, either yourself or by reporting such behavior to the person’s boss.

Part of our responsibility as human beings is to preserve the dignity of others. Caring enough to speak the truth is not always easy. It is, however, one of the most important things we can do. It may not feel that way at the time, but refuting objectionable comments is a courtesy we extend to the speaker. Giving difficult feedback means, “I care about you too much to let this go.”

 

Share a helpful tip with a colleague! Feel free to forward our blogs to others who may find them helpful.

Need more information or want to speak with a Humanergy associate? Contact us!

Photo purchased from istockphoto.com.


Navigating feedback to peers

Posted on by
Reply

Some organizational cultures embrace and even insist upon regular peer-to-peer feedback. In other companies, if you give a peer a suggestion, it may be perceived as odd or even “none of your business.” (It is your business, of course, if your success is dependent upon the other person’s effectiveness.)

When and how should you give feedback to a peer?

When you have a relationship of trust.  You don’t need to be best friends, but some level of comfort is required.  If your relationship is new or uncertain, tread with caution. If you aren’t certain that you have the other person’s best interest at heart, don’t give the feedback. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.” Don’t just convince him; be the friend.

When you are relaxed and prepared.  If you are hurried or distracted, reschedule.  Your peer will pick up on your mental state, and this will cloud the valuable feedback to be given.

When you’re just as likely to give positive feedback as negative.  People need to hear about what they do well as well as what they could improve upon.  Be sure to praise, reinforce and inspire the people around you, before you share an area of potential growth.

After you ask permission. Some people realize the advantages of peer-to-peer feedback, both professionally and personally.  Some do not welcome feedback, or it may be coming at an inconvenient time. Show the other person the courtesy of asking to share your insight, and make sure it’s a good time to do so.

Based on visible behaviors. Stay clear of feedback about a person’s attitude or personality. Likewise, never share others’ perspectives or impressions that you’ve heard. A comment like, “some people have said…” is easily misunderstood and potentially toxic. Represent your own perspective, based on tangible behaviors you’ve witnessed.

With limited advice.  Offer advice only as a last resort, and only if you’re asked to do so. Remember that your approach and experience may be different and not transferable to this person’s reality.

If you’re able to take it as well as give it.  Make sure you’re not resistant to feedback, before you share some with another person. Sure, you may struggle when you hear something negative, but you need to be able to hear and act upon the input. If you’re not there yet, you really aren’t in a position to tell others what they need to improve.

Remember that it is not your job to fix others. It is your job to fix you, first and foremost. As Aldous Huxley said, “There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” That said, giving feedback to others is a gift, provided it’s offered with a genuine spirit of care.

 

Share a helpful tip with a colleague! Feel free to forward our blogs to others who may find them helpful.

Want more information on the dos and don’ts of giving feedback? Contact us!

Photo purchased from istockphoto.com.

 

 


Your problem is not the problem

Posted on by
1

I felt like screaming. That same old, seemingly-constant problem was back. The details aren’t important, but suffice to say, I experienced an avalanche of feelings, ranging from disbelief (AGAIN?!) to rage ($#*^@).

With time and its wonderful sidekick, perspective, I began to understand some fundamentals about recurring problems:

Sometimes they aren’t yours. Some of the most excruciating dilemmas to work through are the ones you don’t own. If you take on other people’s issues, you are destined for frustration and wasted energy. Your teenager regularly fails to do her homework. Sure, you can remind her of the consequences and offer some time management advice. But, in the end, it isn’t your battle. Ashleigh Brilliant said it best, “My biggest problem is what to do about all the things I can’t do anything about.”

Problems recur because I didn’t understand them in the first place. A team missed an important deadline, and lots of time went into figuring out what went wrong. Then they missed another milestone, requiring more discussion. After a couple of missteps, it was time to figure out the root of the problem, which turned out to be longstanding conflict between two key team members. Countless hours are wasted when we apply solutions that don’t get to the root of the problem.

Often what you perceive to be the problem is not the problem. The real predicament is how you cope with the situation. Consider these nontraditional approaches:

Sometimes it’s better to keep your problems to yourself. If you usually spout off about what’s going wrong, try keeping issues close to the vest for a while. Sometimes just talking about bad situations increases our emotional thermometers. Lou Holtz once said, “Don’t tell your problems to people. Eighty percent of them don’t care, and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.” Don’t bottle your feelings up forever; after a short respite, come up with a game plan to resolve the issue.

Don’t tweak, radically rebuild. Russell Bishop writes about the power to choose your reaction to problems, including the option of radically shifting away from old patterns of behavior. He says, “People keep trying to rebuild their lives using the rubble from whatever collapsed rather than choosing new materials instead.” Give yourself permission to shift your perspective and your choices. Seek outside input for new thinking. You aren’t stuck unless you choose to be.

Do exactly the opposite of what you’d typically do. This is a variation on the “radical rebuild.” You’ve gotten feedback (again) that you’re not a good listener. Instead of simply pledging to do better, act in ways that are the opposite of your habit and comfort zone. If you’re a talk-aholic, stop talking for a day. If you’re a directive leader, stop telling people what to do for a week and practice asking open-ended questions instead. You might freak a few people out – nothing wrong with that – and what an opportunity to learn new ways of thinking and behaving!

If you’re facing a slew of problems, it is easy to feel burdened, overwhelmed and maybe even a little sorry for yourself. You can wallow in these feelings or you can choose a new path – one that will allow you to eliminate those dilemmas, cope productively or recognize that they were never yours to own in the first place.

 

Want to tackle your problems in a different way?  Contact us.

Photo purchased at istockphoto.com


Who are you?

Posted on by
1

Recent discussions about confidence have led us to explore identity, or how you answer the question, “Who am I?” Identity in this context isn’t about your job, other life roles or what you do. What we’re talking about here is the core of who you are. This core includes:

What is important to me? What values am I holding myself accountable to uphold? What priorities matter most?

What is success? Who determines my success, and how is it measured?

The core of your identity can be a solid foundation for personal and professional success and happiness. What are the elements of a harmful core?

I try to project a “persona” that is inconsistent with how I feel inside. Marshall Goldsmith writes in Mojo: How to Get It, How to Keep It, How to Get It Back If You Lose It: “Mojo is that positive spirit toward what we are doing now that starts from the inside and radiates to the outside.” If you try to be something or someone on the outside that doesn’t jive with what’s inside, you are doomed to failure. People can sense the disconnect between your inward and outward selves, and the effort it takes to keep up the charade will take a toll.

I believe that external forces make me act this way. People with a strong core will not bend to external pressure to violate their code or ignore their priorities. If they do make a mistake in judgment, they immediately take action to ensure that they do not do it again. As Albert Einstein said, “Relativity applies to physics, not ethics.”

What people think about me is vital. Looking for external validation is a never-ending battle. People with a strong core identity don’t need others to tell them that they are good or did a great job. It might be the icing on the cake to get an “atta girl” comment, but knowing that something meaningful was achieved is sufficient (and darn tasty cake!). People’s perceptions matter to a certain extent, but they aren’t a requirement for happiness or satisfaction.

If I make a mistake, it shakes my sense of self. A strong core is not very permeable. That is, things that happen or mistakes you make don’t have a long-lasting or major effect on how you perceive yourself. Major blunders may cause you to re-examine what’s important, but everyday, human mistakes are learned from and taken in stride.

How can you beef up your core identity?

Figure out what’s important and how you’ll define success. Think about people you admire. What qualities do they exhibit that you want to emulate? How would you want people to describe you? When your life is summarized, what do you want people to remember?

Share it with others. Make your values, priorities and definition of success public to increase your accountability. Ask a trusted person to help you stay aligned with your core, giving ongoing feedback and guidance.

Explore inconsistencies. When you perceive that your internal and external selves don’t match up, take the time to figure out why. Use that insight to create a core you can live by in all circumstances.

Your core identity is your choice. You have the power to decide who you are and what you value. In the final analysis, however, what you do matters more than what you say is important. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Action expresses priorities.”

 

Want to learn more or just need to ask some questions of a Humanergist? Contact us.

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng.