Tag Archives: facts

Three questions for helpful feedback

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It can be daunting, intimidating and downright scary to ask people to give you feedback on your performance. You know you need it, but it seems both time-consuming and full of potential emotional land mines. After all, there are going to be things that are difficult to hear.

Seek regular feedback by asking people three simple questions:

What should I keep doing?

What should I start doing?

What should I stop doing?

While you can ask these in any order, we like starting with what you should keep doing. This reinforces the point that everyone has strengths – and those strengths will be the foundation for building new capabilities and eliminating bad habits.

Make it easier for people to do by giving them the questions in advance, then schedule 20 minutes of their time. Don’t feel like you have to react to what they say real time. You will want to process the feedback. Make sure to thank people for their time, preparation and input.

Once you have received the feedback, use MindTool’s guide to help you interpret what you hear. You’ll not only understand the feedback better, you’ll be able to act on it to improve your performance.

We say feedback is a gift. These three simple questions can yield a treasure of insight you’ll really appreciate.

 

Want to make a step change in your performance? Contact Humanergy.

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Help people learn by experience

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Experience is a wonderful teacher. If you’ve ever tried to convince someone of something by using your gift of gab, you know what I mean. It’s hard to talk people into changing their minds.

Once people have experienced something for themselves, they don’t just believe it. They are true believers and are more likely to want (even need) to share it with others. It is nearly impossible to talk someone out of a belief they’ve gained through personal experience.

Helping people learn through experience takes some setup. Imagine that you want to convince people to change the way they do something at work. If the change is significant, you need to give them some insight and perspective before you say, “Do it this way now!”  How do you set the stage for people learning through experience?

1. Frame and message the idea. Put it into context, help people understand how it applies to them and stress why it matters. “Customers have been concerned that our response to complaints is slow. We are going to change processes to stay competitive.”

2. Share and compare. Ask people to share what they already know on the topic. Build on this information and clarify any points of confusion. “Here’s the current process for prioritizing complaints… What has been your experience? What has worked and what hasn’t?”

3. Test and explore. Tap into people’s previous experiences (“When has this happened to you?”) or predictions (“What would happen if…?“). People begin to think critically about the issue and understand it on a more personal level. “Have you used a matrix to prioritize complaints before? What unexpected consequences might we experience?”

4. Do and learn. Finally, help the person to experience the situation for herself; at this stage, experience becomes a shared understanding. “Let’s try the matrix for an hour with real issues. We’ll share our thoughts and suggestions afterwards.”

Even with the best preparation and explanation, it is only through experience that we can achieve profound insights and deep understanding. When a new idea is explained, tested and adapted in real life, enthusiasm and confidence soar. If you’re struggling with a problem, gain clarity through direct experience. As Leonardo da Vinci said, “Wisdom is the daughter of experience.”

 

Want to set people up for great learning experiences? Contact Humanergy for help.

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Identify your elephants

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Sheila and Sam have never gotten along well, and when they are assigned to a key project together, neither person is pleased. Minor tensions slowly grow into full-scale battle, and the rest of the team is uncertain about what to do. They encourage Sheila and Sam to “stay focused” and “try to get along.” Meanwhile, the task they are assigned is floundering.

In the midst of a conflict situation, we sometimes address only the symptoms and surface issues. The elephants in the room – emotional flash points – are ignored out of fear that they will result in a heated exchange, or worse, permanently damage the already-tenuous relationship.

Some of these potential flash points are past history, power differences, hidden agendas and fear of being blamed or humiliated. It can be hard to raise these issues in the conversation; NOT addressing them, however, can guarantee that you’ll be in conflict again very soon.

If you observe this dynamic at work, here are some tips about navigating these sensitive issues:

Bring in a facilitator. Someone who is not involved in the conflict may be in a better position to ask the right questions, ensure open communication and enforce ground rules.

Use “I” statements. Encourage both parties to speak from their own perspective and experience. Avoid making assumptions or accusing others of feeling a certain way.

Ask questions. Statements can have the effect of hardening positions. Try asking open-ended questions instead, like, “How does the previous project’s failure affect our interactions today?” or “What issues of power play a role in this conflict?”

Use neutral language. This may take some pre-planning. Think of the words that might inflame tensions, and how you can restate the same idea in more neutral terms. Avoid sarcasm, exaggerations, name-calling and offensive language.

One of the most difficult aspects of conflict resolution is recognizing when we are stuck, or that we have emotional “elephants” that keep us from seeing the situation differently. Remember the words of George Bernard Shaw when you need to stay open to self-awareness: “The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it.”

Need help identifying your elephants and managing conflict? Contact Humanergy.

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Feed your team

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I am a card-carrying member of ASDT (Adult Survivors of a Dysfunctional Team). I am sure that it is just a coincidence (or the fact that I have been working for many, many years), but I’ve served on a few teams that were not productive.

Dysfunctional teams do tend to get attention, even if the intervention doesn’t always work. The teams that get short shrift are the okay, average and good ones. As long as the team isn’t hopeless or causing too many problems for others, it’s not likely to rise to the top of the boss’ priority list.

Too bad. Great teams are the drivers of amazing results, as reinforced by Harvard Business Review blogger, Judith A. Ross, in Make Your Good Team Great. Research shows that the qualities that drive top team performance can be described as group Emotional Intelligence. In other words, these teams know how to recognize and manage the emotions of their members.

Ms. Ross recommends making time for the team to connect both inter-personally and around their strengths. This will help them appreciate each others’ contributions and tap each person’s strengths. She also emphasizes the importance of teams recognizing and managing the emotions that are sure to arise – the conflicts and the joys.

Kim Kanaga and Henry Browning authored the Center for Creative Leadership’s Keeping Watch: How to Monitor and Maintain a Team. They recommend that leaders regularly monitor a team’s status in six dimensions of team performance:

Clear purpose

Empowering team structure

Strong organizational support

Positive internal relationships

Well-tended external relationships

Efficient information management

The authors suggest ways to evaluate each of these six dimensions, and also expand upon four key indicators, which they liken to the gauges on a car’s dashboard.

Effort – Extent to which members devote time and effort to the task

Knowledge and skills – Degree to which the team possesses the right competencies

Tactics – Using rational, logical and direct approaches to accomplish goals

Group dynamics – Extent to which the team works without undue friction or waste

People who lead teams must regularly “take the pulse” of the team and help them adapt to changing circumstances. Teams need a leader who can smooth the way, ensuring that the team has the information, resources, autonomy and management support that will ensure success. What can you do today to make the life of your team better?

Need help leading your team? Contact Humanergy.

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Evaluate results not time

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We all know the workers who are the first to arrive and last to leave. They don’t take time off. You wonder if their kids even recognize them anymore. Contrast that person with an employee who leaves early for parent-teacher conferences and usually walks out the door in time to have dinner with his family.

Which is the preferable employee? That question is being bantered about more than ever, as young workers in particular strive for a life that balances work, home and community.

Kate Rogers wrote “Might Be Time to Tell Your Employees to Get a Life” on foxbusiness.com. She notes that more top-level execs are embracing a flexible approach to when, where and how work is done. They hold themselves and others accountable for the quantity and quality of performance – because that produces business results.

Rewarding “face time” at the office encourages people to look busy and be present, even when they’re not giving it their all. For some, being busy becomes a way of life and a means of avoiding other brutal realities. Tim Kreider notes in “The ‘Busy’ Trap at NYTimes.com:

“Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.”

Think about how you use your  time and help your team create real success. Is it all about being busy, or are you zeroing in on the business results that matter?

Need to refocus on the right results? Contact Humanergy.

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Great expectations

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It may seem like common sense that when a teacher expects students to excel at a certain level, the students do. Grading can be subjective, after all. It is more surprising that studies of teachers have found that students’ scores on objective IQ tests correlated with teacher expectations.

Specifically,  if teachers are told that a randomly-selected student is expected to realize a large gain in IQ, that is exactly what happens. Why? Teachers begin to treat them differently. These “expectations affect teachers’ moment-to-moment interactions with the children they teach in a thousand almost invisible ways. Teachers give the students that they expect to succeed more time to answer questions, more specific feedback, and more approval: They consistently touch, nod and smile at those kids more.”

Transferring this phenomenon to a work setting, research by Jean-Francois Manzoni and Jean-Louis Barsoux indicates that the boss is often inadvertently complicit in the failure of an employee. This dynamic begins with an early mistake, lukewarm recommendation or personality clash and is set in motion as the boss questions the employee’s competence. Under increased scrutiny by the boss, the employee loses confidence. He freezes or over-reacts. The syndrome is then in full swing, and it is no surprise when the employee fails.

Think about the people you supervise, and ask yourself these questions:

What do you expect your people to accomplish?

How does that impact your behavior and thus, their achievement?

How should you change your thinking and behavior to remove the impact of unwarranted low expectations?

Need help managing your expectations and your people’s performance? Contact Humanergy.

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Listen when you do not want to hear

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On a couple of occasions recently, I’ve been challenged to listen to feedback that I did not welcome. In one case, it was a long-term member of an organization in which I hold a volunteer leadership role. This person was upset about a number of issues, and was airing some long-held grievances.

In the second example, we got some feedback at work that something we’d done wasn’t particularly helpful. A colleague and I had to figure out how to respond, even though our first reaction was, “What could he possibly mean?!”

When an idea is hard to hear, that’s when we need to work the hardest to tune in. Yes, feedback is a gift. But if we are to be truthful, sometimes we don’t want it, or we want to “spin” it to minimize its impact and keep ourselves comfortable.

How can you respond productively when your first impulse is to dismiss it or get angry?

Just listen. Resist the urge to respond right away. Think of yourself as a sponge, absorbing the message without judgment.

Seek to understand. Again, without assessing its validity, seek to understand the issue from the other’s perspective. Ask questions with the intent of learning more and seeing the issue from another viewpoint.

See the whole picture. MindTool’s Feedback Matrix is a great tool to help you break down the feedback into what was expected/unexpected and positive/negative. While unexpected negative feedback can be difficult to process, recognize we’re all on a path of continuous improvement. So, there’s something you need to work on….that’s OK. Understand that the feedback is not an indictment of your overall performance. Keep perspective and respond appropriately.

Take a break. When you are caught off guard by feedback, sometimes it’s best to take some time before responding. Say, “Thank you for telling me. I’m trying to absorb what you’ve said. Can we get back together tomorrow?”

Consider the source. If your feedback is from someone whose intentions are not constructive, seek a second opinion from someone who can give you an unbiased evaluation. Don’t go to a friend who will match your indignation and help you feel better. You may find that the “spiteful critic’s” feedback really was a gift.

Most feedback contains at least a kernel of truth, even if you find the majority of it to be inaccurate or unfair. Make it your responsibility to find some value in the message and take action to improve.

 

Got some “ouchy” feedback and don’t know where to proceed? Contact Humanergy.

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Three steps to selling anything

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We recently had a fascinating team discussion about business development. Experts say that the vast majority of successful sales conversations involve the buyer talking more than the seller. (No wonder we are turned off by the fast-talking used car salesperson!)

Whether you’re selling a product, service or idea, the most important job of the seller is to listen. You will gain valuable insight about the buyer, but only if you are fully listening (not planning your next comment).

The next priority is asking powerful questions in order to understand the reality of the potential customer.“How is production affected when this machine breaks down?”

Finally, summarize your understanding to make sure that what you heard is really what the other person said. Do not assume that you get it. Periodically sum it up in your own words. “What I heard was you have a problem with the amount of resources this solution will require.”

One potential pitfall is asking questions in order to persuade, not to understand. Questions with an ulterior motive feel manipulative to the listener and can be a barrier in any conversation. When seeking to influence, whether you’re selling a service or an idea, ask honest and sincere questions.

Excellent tips for asking questions (stay in a state of curiosity to sort out where people are coming from) and listening (eliminate judgmental self-conversation, such as “They’re just not getting it!”) are found in Kevin Cashman’s blog on Fast Company.

You have listened, asked questions and ensured that you have mutual understanding. Now is the time to offer your solution. “The wise man puts himself last and finds himself first” (Lao Tsu).

 

Want to be a whiz at selling your big idea? Contact Humanergy.

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Can you become more tolerant of ambiguity?

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People differ greatly in their tolerance for ambiguity, though it is uncommon for leaders to admit that they don’t like situations that are unclear. As leaders, they feel that they must be seen to roll with the punches, help people find clarity in uncertain situations, and act decisively.

To get a more realistic understanding of your own comfort with ambiguity, start with assessing yourself on four modes developed by David Wilkinson regarding the ability to deal with increasing degrees of ambiguity and complexity.

Mode One – Technical Leadership. These leaders usually deal with ambiguity by denial or creating their own certainty. Mode One leaders are also more dictatorial and are very risk-averse by nature.

Mode Two – Cooperative Leadership. The aim of Mode Two leaders is to reduce uncertainty and to build teams around them to mitigate risk.

Mode Three – Collaborative Leadership. Mode Three leaders have a tendency towards consensual methods of leadership. They prefer to work towards aligning team members’ values and getting agreement. Their approach to ambiguity is for the group to examine it.

Mode Four – Generative Leadership. These leaders use ambiguity to find opportunity. They tend to be habitual learners and innovators.

People have a certain threshold for dealing with ambiguity and that capability can be developed through structured practice and coaching. How can you start expanding your tolerance of ambiguity?

Banish availability cascades. These are the assumptions that something is true simply because we have often heard that it is a fact, or can think of examples where it is true. Availability cascades keep you stuck in the past, clinging to misconceptions (for example, leaders need to have the answers, strategic planning always looks five years out, the most effective motivator is money).

Explore the “new world.” Carefully examine the changes that have occurred in your field in recent years. What new rules, facts and beliefs are pertinent now? How do these jive with your “old world” view? Learn something from the system outside your current reality – a younger employee or a different industry – and implement it to improve your own performance.

Look for cognitive dissonance. When confronted with situations that challenge your beliefs, knowledge or values, what is your reaction? Carefully examine your thoughts and behavior in the face of something that seems “just wrong.” You may not change your world view, but you will at least recognize that reality is less fixed and homogenous than you once assumed.

Dealing effectively with ambiguity means slowing things down at times and not rushing to find “the solution” to every dilemma. “The creative person is willing to live with ambiguity. He doesn’t need problems solved immediately and can afford to wait for the right ideas” (Abe Tannenbaum).

 

Want to become a generative leader who embraces ambiguity? Contact Humanergy.

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Assume the best

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You get to work and read an email from a coworker:

Christi – the side door was left unlocked between 2 and 3 pm again. Have you thought of creating a checklist that will help you remember?

Jane

You think:

  • What a jerk
  • Thanks for the helpful suggestion. I’ll try it!
  • She seems to have good ideas, so maybe she can help me figure out what to do

Your answer to this question says a lot about what you believe to be true about people. If you sometimes think the worst of people, you can change and more often give people the benefit of the doubt. Try these tips:

Slow things down. A frenetic pace can promote reactivity and impatience. Take a moment to stop, think and choose your behavior.

Train yourself to think from others’ point of view. Remember that people bring a diversity of culture, learning and experience to every life situation. Practice thinking, “I wonder why she feels that way” and respond based upon genuine curiosity. Learn why they take the actions they take. Ask about what you don’t understand.

Give yourself cues. Display a picture or quote that reminds you of people’s positive qualities. Light a scented candle or play relaxing music to set a laid-back tone.

Treat yourself with respect. People who are critical of others are often their own worst critic. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and it will be easier to lighten up with others as well.

Remember that giving others a break is really doing you a favor. When you assume the best, you experience less stress. It doesn’t mean you won’t confront truly inappropriate behavior. You just don’t assume that every possible slight is real or intentional. By choosing your battles, you have more productive energy for addressing the issues that matter most.

People are fallible and everyone makes mistakes. You might assume that some of these mistakes are directed at you. In reality, most often, the behavior is a result of ignorance or a different frame of reference. Or, said less kindly in the phrase known as Hanlon’s Razor, “Never assume malice when stupidity will suffice.”

 

 

Need to make a commitment to assume positive intent? Contact Humanergy.

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