Posts Tagged ‘listening’

Live your legacy

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

In an age of unemployment and downsizing, many people are thanking their lucky stars that they have a job at all, even if it’s more busy and stressful than ever. Few people have the luxury of wondering, Is this job helping me to fulfill my purpose in life?

The unexpected death of a colleague can cause us to examine how we’re spending our lives. We ponder our mortality and envision the legacy we hope to leave for the future. Our conclusion is that the most important thing you can do is live your legacy every day. That is, don’t wait until tomorrow to live your values and focus your energies on your life’s purpose. Start with these questions:

What would people say about you at your funeral? If your life ended today, how would you be eulogized? Is it something you’d be proud to hear?

Are your actions and decisions today consistent with how you’d like to be remembered? Not only do you follow the defined rules, but how do you respond in the gray areas – when the ethical boundaries are not as well-defined? As Albert Camus said, “Integrity has no need of rules.”

Are you happy now, or waiting to be happy when…?” The Center for Creative Leadership’s article titled Your Leadership Mojo: Wisdom from Marshall Goldsmith explores the advice that your 95-year-old self might give to you today. Goldsmith’s friend actually asked elderly people who were approaching death to reflect on what is truly important in life. The number one theme that emerged was be happy now. Don’t wait for that big promotion or retirement. Don’t get so caught up in the rat race that you don’t notice the sun is shining today.

Are people your priority? The Leadership Mojo article points out that when the end of life approaches, it isn’t our co-workers who hang out at the hospital. It’s our friends and family, if we’re lucky enough to have both. And doing things today to nurture relationship with people isn’t just important to ensure that you have hospital visitors. It’s the right thing to do, and your 95-year-old-self would tell you so.

Are you accomplishing something meaningful? It can be easy to amass a collection of accomplishments or life experiences, but if they don’t fulfill some aspect of your life’s purpose, they won’t matter much to you in the end. And if you accomplished them at the expense of others, you may not have those hospital visitors after all.

One thing is certain. We’ll all come to the end of our mortal lives. We hope it doesn’t happen soon. George Carlin used to say, “I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.” The good news is that if you live your values today, your legacy will take care of itself.

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Should you be a dictator?

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

Few leadership articles have stirred a response like the one titled Your Company Is not a Democracy by George Cloutier. There was even some question about whether it was serious – or if it was a parody of old-school “command and control” leadership styles. However, it’s a bona fide opinion article, and most of the comments made us cringe.

Here’s Mr. Cloutier’s advice, and Humanergy’s take.

Be a dictator. Give direction, but not about everything. Dictate the mission, values – the critical few things that will keep your organization focused and successful. Don’t waffle on those.

Tell your employees: “Don’t think – obey.” If your employees aren’t thinking, they should stay home. You need all intellects, skillsets and experiences actively engaged on your organization’s problems and opportunities.

Forget your likeability score. Earn respect through true leadership and likeability will probably come. True leaders don’t walk around with the goal of being warm and fuzzy, but they do treat people with genuine respect and kindness. They know that engaged workers who see themselves as an integral part of the organization produce better results. Therefore, good leaders communicate often, get input from their people and earn trust and respect at the same time.

Be a feared general. Don’t use fear as a tool. Using fear as a leadership tool is a sign of the leader’s own insecurities. Anyone holding the reins that tight is doing so out of fear – fear of losing control, new ideas or not being the smartest person in the room. You cannot command respect through fear. What you will create is an environment that encourages in-fighting, short-term gains and employees doing anything possible to look good.

Fear is the best motivator. Praise is a far better motivator. Our blog post on praising employees quoted research on the connection between praise and performance. Employees who receive regular praise have higher productivity and lower turnover, and they make fewer mistakes. Fear, on the other hand, may produce some short-term compliance to avoid reprisals. But because fear increases physical and emotional stress, employees are less productive over time. They’re also profoundly unfulfilled, which in turn causes your employees to dust off their resumes and find a less toxic environment.

Penalize poor or negligent performance. Spend more time feeding good performance than pointing out what’s not going well. Indeed, poor performance must be addressed as soon as it is noted. However, if you as a leader spend most of your time doling out penalties for poor performance, you are taking time from your most high value work. You should spend the vast majority of your time figuring out what is working and building on that success.

Fire incompetent employees. Surround yourself with only the best people. There should be no room in your company for people who operate contrary to the values, ethics or best practices that you’ve established. Hire and groom people who’s goals align with the organization’s and with passion to continually learn. Do that well, and you won’t need to fire many people.

Enforce, enforce, enforce. Adapt, adapt, adapt. Plans are made to be adapted to an ever-changing business environment. Rather than insisting that people follow your plans exactly, encourage adaptation within key parameters. The goals and best practices won’t change, but you’ll be nimble and responsive in how you get there.

Being a dictator requires a leader to possess all the wisdom, creativity, experience and judgment necessary for success in an ever-changing world. No one can do that. Unfortunately, some people still operate in the mindset that they can do it all, that they have all the answers. Scary. As Emile Chartier said, “There is nothing more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one you have.”

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Expectation or suggestion? Clear communication with direct reports

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

Arnold is meeting with Bev, one of his direct reports. She is going over her current projects. Arnold comments that she appears to be overloaded with work that isn’t a top priority. Bev is astounded. But this is what you told me to do, she explains.

I did want you to work on projects A and D, says Arnold, but the other things on this list were just ideas I was tossing around at the staff meeting. I didn’t mean for you to act on those.

How could Arnold, as the supervisor, have aligned more effectively with Bev on what was truly important?

Define strategic priorities. You may be giving unclear direction to your direct reports because you aren’t certain about the most critical priorities. Gain clarity by discussing desired results and impact with your boss and others. Then align your direct reports’ actions with those urgent priorities.

Remember that when the boss speaks, people listen. This may seem obvious, but it’s something that is often forgotten in the excitement of the moment. The boss thinks she’s just generating some potential new ideas. Direct reports can assume that if an idea comes from her, they must make it happen.

Use clear language. Make it plain that if you are brainstorming or giving direction. You may need to say this more than once – at the beginning of the conversation and at the end – to make sure that people get the message.

Gauge people’s understanding by closing the loop. Ask people to re-state what you’ve said in their own words. If you’re not on the same page, try communicating again and have them restate their understanding once more.

Encourage people to ask questions. Some bosses are like seagulls; they “swoop and poop,”  blurting out directions and moving on to the next activity. Make time to answer any questions that your direct reports may have. Don’t just assume they’ll ask for clarification if they need it. Some people hesitate to pose questions, thinking that making an inquiry may appear less self-reliant. Set the expectation that questions are not just acceptable, but an expected part of getting on the same page.

Hold regular check-ins. Schedule time for your direct reports to meet with you to discuss progress, roadblocks or any pressing issue that impacts results. Talk with your direct reports to figure out if weekly, monthly or quarterly check-ins would be best to keep projects moving.

Clear communication is required to define the results that are to be achieved and make performance expectations clear. Achieve mutual understanding with your direct reports by regular, concise and two-way communication that keeps them focused on the right stuff and growing as individuals. Don’t assume that people interpret your communication the way you intended. Remember the wisdom of George Bernard Shaw, The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

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I could stop whenever I want to

Monday, April 26th, 2010

You’re addicted to your smartphone.  So what? Isn’t that a pretty socially acceptable compulsion – one that helps you be more efficient and effective? The term “Crackberry” isn’t considered to be universally negative. If you’re hyper-connected, you’re considered to be technologically advanced and in demand.

Perhaps you question whether you’re really addicted. Maybe you really could stop whenever you want to. So why do you break into a cold sweat if you inadvertently leave the house without it? Why can’t you turn it off or ignore it?

What are the downsides to this habit?

You devalue the people around you. If you interrupt conversations to answer email or take calls, you are giving the message that the current activity is less valuable to you than whatever’s happening on your phone.

You lose valuable “stare out the window” time. Constant connection prevents you from devoting blocks of time to thoughtful reflection.This thinking time is a necessary leadership activity – allowing for deep thinking about the strategic priorities that need your attention.

Email, in particular, is addictive. Psychologists are identifying email addiction as a growing problem. People become obsessive about checking email. Receiving satisfying (funny, informative or whatever you find fulfilling) email happens intermittently. That is the most potent kind of habit-forming reinforcement, and what causes some folks to constantly scan their inboxes.  They even have a name for it – “variable ratio reinforcement!”

You think you’re constantly needed. Perhaps the most insidious of the smartphone addiction symptoms is the underlying message of importance. If you’re connected 24/7, it must be because your input is always essential. Recognize that often the issue is yours (I need to be “in the know”) and not theirs. People will survive without you. They even learn to make decisions and grow as leaders without you standing in the way.

Before you come to the conclusion that your smartphone use isn’t a problem, try turning it off a few hours each day. Take a walk. Think expansively. Then come back, refreshed and ready to tackle the work that really does require your time and talent.


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Stop talking, start doing

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

no-talkingGreat leaders give inspiring speeches, restate the organization’s values and reinforce outstanding performance.  They also know when to shut up, to put it somewhat crudely. What situations should cause you to stop talking?

You need to listen. It’s all too easy to let our need to orate overshadow the vital listening function of leadership. Spend part of each day gathering information and listening carefully to your people. Hint: You can’t listen when your lips are moving.

You need to make a decision. When decisions are tough, we sometimes defer them by continuing the discussion. Figure out if you’re still talking because you just don’t have the guts to make a decision.

You can’t do anything. You don’t have the time, money or people to address the problem. Stop talking about it. Expend your energy on stuff you can impact.

It isn’t the best way to get the message across. Rather than lecturing, try setting up an experience that will make your message crystal clear. Often people learn better through active learning.

You don’t have credibility. Everyone knows you don’t handle negative feedback well. Therefore, you are not the right spokesperson for the annual performance review process. Defer to another team member until you can be a role model for the issue.

It’s all about you. The most influential leaders speak infrequently about their accomplishments. They make the people around them feel capable, interesting and important. Braggers are boring.

Now that you’ve freed up all this chit-chat time, think of what you can accomplish! Once again, Mom was right. Actions DO speak louder than words.

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You’ll never believe what [insert name] did!

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

42-15652296Your co-worker is driving you nuts. You’ve tried subtle hints, but those haven’t worked. You know venting to coworkers is bad and makes you part of the problem. (Don’t you remember that from our post last week?) How do you constructively address the issue?

First explore internal resources. Find out what organizational policies may apply and how/if your human resources department can help to resolve the issue.

Consult a trusted adviser if necessary. You can seek feedback about how best to move forward. That’s not venting. It only becomes venting when you complain to someone else with no intention to resolve the issue. So get advice if you need it, and then talk directly with the person involved.

Here are some tips for “the talk.”

Schedule a time. Don’t prolong the agony by asking to meet next week. Try, Do you have some time today (tomorrow)? I’d like to discuss the PDQ Project.

Find a good location. Go to a quiet location where you can speak in privacy. No cubicle conversations, restaurants, lobbies or other areas where you may be interrupted or overheard.

Align on mutual goals. We both want the PDQ project to succeed or We both value worker safety. Near the end of the conversation, What steps can we each take to achieve our goals?

Stay focused on behaviors and facts. Use recent examples and connect the dots between the person’s action (or lack thereof) and results. Share the impact on others and on the organization.

Listen well. Don’t just passively hear what the other person is saying. Restate it in your own words to make sure you’re getting it right.

Be balanced. Talk about strengths, too, and how those might be applied to correct the situation.

What if “the talk” doesn’t seem to work?

Bring in help if you’re stuck. A neutral third party is sometimes necessary to peel back the layers of issues and help you address the root cause of the conflict. (Your Human Resources department may be able to help you out.)

Know when to involve the boss. Talk to the boss if you’ve taken these steps , there’s no resolution AND the situation has a negative impact on success.  Keep the focus on how the person’s actions are impacting the organization and what productive steps should be taken.

At the end of the day, you may not fix the problem. After all, you can’t make anyone change their behavior. What you can do is make choices about your behavior. Choose to be honest and sensitive when confronting thorny issues. You’ll not only have a better chance at resolution, you’ll face the mirror with greater comfort too.

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To vent or not to vent

Monday, December 7th, 2009

steamMy boss is a controlling jerk. The project manager is an idiot. My assistant can’t think his way out of a paper bag.

Venting about work seems to be on the rise. Maybe it’s because we’re afraid to make waves by bringing up problems directly, for fear of losing our jobs. So we resort to releasing our frustrations via whispered complaints by the coffee machine.

Social networking has also given us new ways to vent our frustrations in cyberspace. We can whine on Facebook, Twitter or any one of the numerous sites designed for that purpose, like jobvent.com and iworkwithfools.com. (No, we’re not giving the links. We do not advocate voicing your fury in such a manner.)

Let’s just say your boss really is a jerk, and you don’t feel that you can rectify the situation. How do you manage your frustrations appropriately?

Don’t suppress your anger. Medical experts warn that internalizing your frustrations can be bad for your health, contributing to high blood pressure, digestive problems and heart attacks.

Don’t express anger frequently. Studies show that people who are angry a lot suffer from the same health problems as those who quietly seethe. If you’re often outraged by daily life, get help.

Don’t vent with coworkers. Venting does nothing to improve your situation, and regular whining labels you as a negative influence. Even if your colleague is also a trusted friend, you are much better off taking the high road. Never say anything to a coworker that you wouldn’t want repeated in public.

Talk to someone outside of work. Talk to your significant other or non-work friends. Monitor the frequency, though. Patience will run thin if you vent with no intention of taking steps to resolve the issue. Use that person as a sounding board to help you develop positive next steps and coping strategies.

Don’t vent online. We’ve said it before; once it’s out there, it’s public. Just say no to email and social networking when you’re mad.

Unless you’d like to leave your job, don’t vent to your boss’s boss. Maybe this seems obvious. But there are people out there who think that if the boss won’t listen, it’s time to move up the chain of command. Unless your boss is breaking a law or violating important company policy, think twice before going over her head.  Never, never whine to higher-ups just because you don’t like something.

You have a choice. Do you use your frustration as fuel for constructive action? Or do you vent, and just allow your anger to feed upon itself? If you have time to whine, you have time to do something to make your life better.

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“There must be some misunderstanding…

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

talkingThere must be some kind of mistake,” (Genesis – it was a band, for you youngsters – from their 1980 hit). Whether you’re a GenY or Baby Boomer, you’ve experienced the frustrations of misunderstandings in communication.

We often refer to miscommunication here at Humanergy as “Meet Me In Detroit.” If you wanted to get together with someone and said, “I’ll meet you in Detroit,” that wouldn’t quite work. Yet we take the same kinds of communication shortcuts all the time and assume that people will figure it out.

It can be tempting to throw in the towel – to give up on clear communication, since we mess up so often. And just vowing to do a better job next time doesn’t work. (Been there, done that.) So if we can’t wish our way into better communication, what can we do?

Change your definition of communication. The outcome you’re looking for isn’t communication, it’s mutual understanding. When Person A and Person B share the same “picture” of the message, that’s success!

Individualize. Think about the listener’s perspective before you speak. Ask, “How does she need to hear this?” or “What examples would help him understand?”

Share context. Too often we skip important background information that helps the listener truly understand. Instead of, “I need that report,” try, “The quarterly budget report is shared with management and will help us prioritize for next fiscal year.”

Make it unmistakable. Use short sentences and simple words. Make sure it’s crystal clear why you’re sharing the information. Does the listener need to act on it in some way?

Close the loop. After you’ve spoken, ask the listener to summarize what was heard in his or her own words. Don’t ask, “Did you understand?,” because no one wants to admit they don’t get it. If the listener’s summary is off, share more back and forth until you have mutual understanding.

Freeman Teague, Jr. said, “Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.” We’d like to believe that nothing is so simple that it doesn’t warrant mutual understanding.

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Build relationships before you need them

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

paper-people-handsSue is a busy, no-nonsense leader. She doesn’t have time to (as she refers to it) chit-chat. Not a big fan of water cooler talks, Sue doesn’t actively avoid her direct reports and peers. She just doesn’t seek out interaction and prefers to talk about work, if she has to take the time to interact at all.

Sue’s not a bad person. She is a busy person. But she could be in for some bad, unanticipated outcomes (and even more busy-ness) if she doesn’t attend NOW to relationships at work.

What happens when there’s a crisis, and Sue and everyone around her need to operate at 100% effectiveness? There are glitches, because Sue hasn’t built the “relationship capital” she needs.

How do you build relationships, while keeping the focus where it needs to be – on work?

1. Think before you speak. Sounds simple, but many of us just start blabbing away, totally from our own perspective. Think about your audience and not only what they need to hear, but how they need to hear it.

2. Be courteous. It only takes a moment to make eye contact and say, “thanks for your hard work.” Or, “how was your weekend?” (and really care what the answer might be).

3. Ask questions. We get paid to know stuff, right? So, you may be surprised by how infrequently you ask questions. Ask genuine questions and listen carefully,  and you may be surprised at how much more approachable you will be.

4. Start with what you have in common. It may be your work project, but maybe it’s also a love of dogs/Russian etchings/karate.

5. Make diversity work. Take time to notice differences in culture, experience, personality, etc. Figure out what opportunities these differences present. Then planfully maximize everyone’s unique contributions.

Notice that none of these strategies involve long, deep and meaningful conversations. After all, the job’s got to get done, and we’re not talking about creating BFF relationships here. Developing amicable relationships is smart and strategic. And…it might also be fun.

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Are you a sponge or a filter?

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

ph03442iToday I’m going to be a sponge. When someone is communicating with me, I am going to soak in every nuance of the message.

What do I sometimes (usually?!) do when I’m “listening?” Continue my internal dialogue, which sounds something like this: “I really need to get some more bread on my way home. Did he just say to push back the deadline? That’s crazy?”

In other words, it’s all too easy for me to sorta kinda listen, while I use parts of my brain to attend to other business (like bread). This multi-tasking makes it impossible for me to really hear what the person is saying. I think I’m listening, but I’m not giving it my full attention.

How well can I be listening when I already have decided that the other person’s idea won’t work (a nice way of saying is crazy)? I’d like to say that I am an open-minded person, but this mid-conversation judging happens more than I’d like to admit.

So usually I’m more of a filter than a sponge. I only allow bits of the message to get through, because I attend to other things and jump too quickly to judge what’s said. And please do not ask me to pay attention to your nonverbals. Those won’t get through my filter. I’m much too busy creating a mental grocery list.

So how do I transform myself from a filter into a sponge? I thought you’d never ask.

  1. Take pride in really understanding the other person’s unique viewpoint
  2. When someone begins talking, put my other thoughts and needs on the back burner
  3. Spend far less time and energy getting my own point across (don’t talk so much)
  4. Watch body language and mention it when I’m getting cues I don’t understand (e.g., it seems like you’re upset)
  5. After careful listening, summarize what I’ve heard to make sure I got it right

I may not get it right all the time, so I’m not setting my sights on being the ultra-absorbent model. I do want to be a better communicator, and I know that for me, it starts with being a better listener.


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