Tag Archives: manners

Communication courtesies we would all appreciate

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“Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous – not just to some people in some circumstances – but to everyone all the time.” Thomas J. Watson

Put another way: “A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.” Dave Barry

My parents were big on courtesy, and so am I. My kids have referred to our home as the “manner-y house.”

There are many great reasons to use good manners. In part, being civilized generally creates a better outcome or at least promotes goodwill. However, as our means for communication have become more instant, we’ve lost some focus on communication courtesy. Here are some common courtesies we should all remember:

Look at me. How many times have you ordered at a restaurant without looking at the server. Smiling and saying “please” will give you extra credit (and probably better service).

At least try to remember my name. People can tell when you’re giving it some effort. Try this: Nancy, I stink at remembering names, so I’m going to use yours a few times in our conversation. Please bear with me, Nancy, as I try to commit this to memory!

Save up your questions/emails. If you regularly need to get information from a person (and it’s not urgent) save up your requests. Rather than having five individual conversations or sending five emails, cover multiple topics at once, saving everyone time.

Be up front about what you need. Make sure that your expectations are crystal clear. If you’re emailing, put what you need in the subject line. Response needed by 3/3/12. If we’re in a conversation, summarize expectations at the end.

Don’t waste my time. Some chit chat in meetings builds relationships. However, a 30-minute rendition of last night’s American Idol episode is usually just wasted time, particularly for those who aren’t interested. Pay attention to the time spent on non-meeting items and to nonverbal signals that indicate you’ve gone on too long.

There can be a tendency to worry more about manners around people you don’t know well. Oliver Wendell Homes would beg to differ. “The nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become.”

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Start a revolution of kindness

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The other day my ten-year-old was pondering the future of her big sister, Shannon, who has graduated from college and is living and working away from home. Little Maggie wondered if Shannon would stay in Grand Rapids and buy a house there. I told her that houses are expensive, and Shannon would have to save for many years before she could buy one. Maggie’s answer? “Well, I’ll have a lemonade stand and give her the money to help out.”

I didn’t dampen Maggie’s enthusiasm by informing her of the microscopic nature of her gift. No act of kindness is meaningless. The interaction did make me think of times when I didn’t do something nice for another person, thinking it would be too little or too late. Have I stopped myself from expressing a kind word, thinking it might be inadequate to the situation? Or, when have I not taken the time to reach out, when it would have made someone’s day better?

What difference does simple kindness make to the quality of our leadership? Thoughtless, selfish leaders may be able to get the job done in the short run. However, they will not create the type of employee loyalty and sense of ownership that are the hallmarks of a resilient, successful organization.

Leaders can and should model generosity of spirit. How can we, as leaders, celebrate and evangelize thoughtfulness at work?

Look around. Tunnel vision abounds; people are maxed out with work and highly focused, and they often don’t notice what is going on with co-workers unless it directly impacts their work. Take time to notice the demeanor of your people. Then you’ll see where a touch of care might be most needed.

Be courteous. Pretty elementary stuff, but manners are incredibly important. In our rush to get things done, we can forget the basics. “Please” and “thanks” go a long way, especially when accompanied by a genuine smile.

Identify greatness. “That report was thorough and concise. Well done.” Specific feedback about what went well feeds the spirit and boosts morale. It also helps people replicate high performance, since they know the qualities and outcomes that made the difference.

Ask questions. Take a break from passing on sage advice, and ask a question or two. I love Michelle Price’s blog post called 12 Most Simple Acts of Kindness as a Leadership Tool. When you ask, “How are you?” make sure you really listen to the answer.

Organizations need people to work together effectively to accomplish goals, overcome problems and create lasting solutions. It is not always fun, and interpersonal friction can create noise that gets in the way. Counteract the ambient negativity with a daily routine of simple, thoughtful actions. Think big by doing small things. It only takes a few seconds each day to start a revolution of kindness.