Tag Archives: negative

Can you really say no to your boss?

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Even when you have a positive relationship, bringing bad news to the boss is something most people would rather avoid. This includes telling the boss, “no,” even when it’s the right thing to do.

Sure, the supervisor should welcome honesty and candor – and most do. However, when delivering a “no” message, it’s also important to know what to tell your boss, when and how.

Katherine Reynolds Lewis of Fortune wrote, “companies that foster a fear-free culture enjoy better decision-making, more ethical behavior and the ability to truly harness the collective brainpower of the workforce.”  Creating and maintaining a positive culture isn’t just the boss’ job. How direct reports share information and team with their bosses for mutual success contributes to a transparent culture as well.

How do you effectively tell your boss “no?”

Communicate when an important result is at stake. If a key project or outcome is at risk, you need to tell your boss. State the situation clearly and provide possible solutions. “The software integration is 2 months behind schedule and 40% over budget. Options include adding a person to the team or finding an alternative vendor.”

Be honest about what you can and cannot do. Speak up if your boss assigns you something that is outside your skillset and more than a stretch goal. However, don’t leave her holding the ball. Suggest what you can do and who might fill the gap. “My skills would be better utilized on the project management end, with Sean on the technical side.”

Prepare the boss and speak in private. Your boss may be less willing to be open to input if it comes out of the blue. Send him an email, letting him know that you have some ideas you’d like to share. Meet one-on-one to explore these ideas without an audience that could have an unanticipated impact.

Say thanks. Even if she doesn’t agree with your perspective, your boss took the time to listen (hopefully). No matter how the meeting goes, genuinely thank her for her time. You’ll build some relationship capital that may be helpful in the future.

When saying no, or delivering any message that might be hard to hear, use as few words as possible. There is no need to use giant words, spin, lecture or defend. Remember the advice of John Kotter. “Good communication does not mean you have to speak in perfectly formed sentences and paragraphs. It isn’t about slickness. Simple and clear go a long way.”

 


Navigating feedback to peers

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Some organizational cultures embrace and even insist upon regular peer-to-peer feedback. In other companies, if you give a peer a suggestion, it may be perceived as odd or even “none of your business.” (It is your business, of course, if your success is dependent upon the other person’s effectiveness.)

When and how should you give feedback to a peer?

When you have a relationship of trust.  You don’t need to be best friends, but some level of comfort is required.  If your relationship is new or uncertain, tread with caution. If you aren’t certain that you have the other person’s best interest at heart, don’t give the feedback. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.” Don’t just convince him; be the friend.

When you are relaxed and prepared.  If you are hurried or distracted, reschedule.  Your peer will pick up on your mental state, and this will cloud the valuable feedback to be given.

When you’re just as likely to give positive feedback as negative.  People need to hear about what they do well as well as what they could improve upon.  Be sure to praise, reinforce and inspire the people around you, before you share an area of potential growth.

After you ask permission. Some people realize the advantages of peer-to-peer feedback, both professionally and personally.  Some do not welcome feedback, or it may be coming at an inconvenient time. Show the other person the courtesy of asking to share your insight, and make sure it’s a good time to do so.

Based on visible behaviors. Stay clear of feedback about a person’s attitude or personality. Likewise, never share others’ perspectives or impressions that you’ve heard. A comment like, “some people have said…” is easily misunderstood and potentially toxic. Represent your own perspective, based on tangible behaviors you’ve witnessed.

With limited advice.  Offer advice only as a last resort, and only if you’re asked to do so. Remember that your approach and experience may be different and not transferable to this person’s reality.

If you’re able to take it as well as give it.  Make sure you’re not resistant to feedback, before you share some with another person. Sure, you may struggle when you hear something negative, but you need to be able to hear and act upon the input. If you’re not there yet, you really aren’t in a position to tell others what they need to improve.

Remember that it is not your job to fix others. It is your job to fix you, first and foremost. As Aldous Huxley said, “There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” That said, giving feedback to others is a gift, provided it’s offered with a genuine spirit of care.

 

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Photo purchased from istockphoto.com.

 

 


Ask the right questions at the right time

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Your once-well-oiled machine of a team is experiencing strife. Some people seem to be spending more time whining than doing their jobs. A high-priority project is behind schedule and over budget. What questions do you ask to understand what’s really going on?

You’re first instinct may be to ask, “What isn’t working?” If you’re really at the end of your rope, you won’t be that polite.”What in the HECK is WRONG with you people?!” As frustrated as you may be, don’t focus on the negative right away. This will put people on the defensive and may deteriorate into a blame game. You will end up wasting time and will probably miss some incredible strengths that could be put to use to solve the current problem.

Begin with this question: “What’s working and why?” Here’s where you uncover the brilliance – and regain a balanced perspective. It isn’t all broken, and some things are going great.

Then, ask: “What is the need we are trying to address?” This will get people zeroing in on their purpose and goals. Be very clear about exactly what you’re trying to achieve, why it’s important and the desired results and impact.

Next, ask: “What do we need to start doing to get there?” You’ll find that there are some best practices that were never shared or have fallen by they wayside. Build on what’s working to address the gap between the need and current performance.

Only then should you delve into “What’s not working?” Figure out the behaviors that need to stop in order to remove barriers to success. Often the previous questions will have addressed some of the gaps with an eye to constructive resolution, so this conversation may be very brief.

When there is a problem, focusing first on the negative keeps you trapped in the past and may encourage you to throw in the towel too early. While it’s important to learn from what went wrong, the real power for change lies in what is going well. It takes courage and talent to overcome adversity. You’ll uncover more of both when you uncover strengths you didn’t know existed.

 

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Photo courtesy of Chris Baker on stock.xchng. See more of his photos at his website.