Help people learn by experience

Posted on May 1, 2013 by humanergy

Experience is a wonderful teacher. If you’ve ever tried to convince someone of something by using your gift of gab, you know what I mean. It’s hard to talk people into changing their minds.

Once people have experienced something for themselves, they don’t just believe it. They are true believers and are more likely to want (even need) to share it with others. It is nearly impossible to talk someone out of a belief they’ve gained through personal experience.

Helping people learn through experience takes some setup. Imagine that you want to convince people to change the way they do something at work. If the change is significant, you need to give them some insight and perspective before you say, “Do it this way now!” How do you set the stage for people learning through experience?

1. Frame and message the idea. Put it into context, help people understand how it applies to them and stress why it matters. “Customers have been concerned that our response to complaints is slow. We are going to change processes to stay competitive.”

2. Share and compare. Ask people to share what they already know on the topic. Build on this information and clarify any points of confusion. “Here’s the current process for prioritizing complaints… What has been your experience? What has worked and what hasn’t?”

3. Test and explore. Tap into people’s previous experiences (“When has this happened to you?”) or predictions (“What would happen if…?“). People begin to think critically about the issue and understand it on a more personal level. “Have you used a matrix to prioritize complaints before? What unexpected consequences might we experience?”

4. Do and learn. Finally, help the person to experience the situation for herself; at this stage, experience becomes a shared understanding. “Let’s try the matrix for an hour with real issues. We’ll share our thoughts and suggestions afterwards.”

Even with the best preparation and explanation, it is only through experience that we can achieve profound insights and deep understanding. When a new idea is explained, tested and adapted in real life, enthusiasm and confidence soar. If you’re struggling with a problem, gain clarity through direct experience. As Leonardo da Vinci said, “Wisdom is the daughter of experience.”

Want to set people up for great learning experiences? Contact Humanergy for help.

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First meetings – 6 steps to success

Posted on January 9, 2013 by humanergy

Whether you’re a consultant, freelancer, small business owner or a leader in your organization, you know how important it is to have a successful first meeting with a prospect, client or other key people. The old saying is true. You don’t get a second chance to make a good first impression. Even those of us who are experienced at “first meetings” could benefit from a refresher on how to start a new relationship on the right foot.

Do your homework. Before the meeting, gain as much information as you can on the person, his organization and the issues that he may be facing. This doesn’t mean that you’ll go in to the meeting with full knowledge. It simply eliminates a lot of the background sharing, so that you can get to the substance of the meeting more quickly.

Get there early. This may seem like First Meeting 101, but how many times have you started a meeting with unnecessary anxiety due to arriving just in the nick of time? Plan for the worst – extreme traffic, bad directions and problems with parking. Better to arrive too early than to arrive frazzled.

Ask good questions. Plan ahead so that you are prepared with a set of questions AND be flexible enough to adapt and add questions along the way. You should walk away from the meeting more informed not only about the facts, but about the other person’s purpose and goals.

Listen well and restate. Resist the urge to plan your response. Put all of your energy into hearing what the other person is saying. Once you feel you understand, paraphrase key points to make sure you really got it. “What I’m hearing is that your main concern is around employee engagement, specifically people not feeling comfortable making decisions that impact the customer experience.” Remember that the goal is not to impress the other person, but to gain knowledge. “Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent” (Dalai Lama).

Take notes. Your memory is not perfect. Make sure that you note enough of the details to capture the vital points. In order to listen completely, you don’t have to take notes while the other person talks. Say, “Let me just jot a few notes to myself to ensure that I get this right.” The other person will appreciate your respect and desire to capture the details.

Give value. After the meeting, give thanks and a little more. Email an article about an issue that she mentioned. Give her a contact that might help her solve a problem that you cannot address. “A thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed” (Henrik Ibsen).

First meetings can be stressful. They can also be enjoyable opportunities to get to know others and make valuable connections. The key is to plan enough so that you can relax and be fully engaged in the moment. This focused-yet-relaxed approach sets you up to make a great first impression that may lead to a long and valuable relationship.

Need help prepping for a key meeting? Contact Humanergy.

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Empathy: Not just for the touchy-feely

Posted on July 25, 2012 by humanergy

I worked for a boss once who was profoundly uncomfortable with feelings. He was a likeable guy who preferred to keep his distance when things got personal or emotional. It wasn’t unusual for him to miss meetings where contentious issues were going to be discussed.

My boss’ lack of empathy allowed him to deal with the facts at hand, without the complication of wading into various perspectives or attitudes. What he lost, however, was the ability to maximize our emotional intelligence, an important factor in team success.

Empathy was defined by Daniel Goleman in the HBR article, What Makes a Leader, as “the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people” and “skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions.”

If you’re thinking that empathy is an unnecessary distraction, consider its benefits to leaders:

Empathy gives you insight. You will gain a richer understanding of your organization’s people, competitors and customers – and therefore make better decisions.

Empathy enhances influence. You will not be able to sway your peers or boss without understanding their perspectives and attitudes. Your attempts at persuasion will fall on deaf ears if you do not connect with what is important to them.

Empathy helps you leverage diversity. Your team is composed of people with skills, experiences and cultural backgrounds that are different from yours. Asking genuine questions and not making assumptions will help you not only “get them” as people, it will also allow you to tap into their interests and utilize their unique abilities.

How to enhance empathy?

Start with humility. You haven’t got it all figured out. Recognize that you need all of your people’s capabilities – tangible and intangible – to succeed.

Be curious. Listen more and talk less. Ask questions about what people are thinking and feeling. Don’t assume you already know.

Ask for feedback and input, and really mean it. Use the ideas and innovations that your team shares. This will encourage people to share more over time.

Empathy isn’t a magic bullet, as noted by Steve Tobak in a recent post. It is an important tool for your leadership toolbox that should be regularly used.

“If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it” (Atticus Finch, a fictitious character in the book, To Kill a Mockingbird).

To find out more about how you can beef up your empathy, contact Humanergy.

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Tandem biking: A lesson in interdependence

Posted on June 26, 2012 by humanergy

A colleague, David, bought a tandem bike recently. This has provided a new way for David and his wife Launda to exercise and tour the local area. It’s also provided a unique opportunity to explore their finely-tuned relationship (They’ve been married for 21 years and have got this whole relationship thing down…mostly.)

The AHAs started right when they got the bike. Mike at TeamActive did a great job explaining the unique challenges of tandem cycling. David and Launda listened, but also thought, “Hey, how hard could it be?” Turns out it was not a walk in the park, and they quickly figured out that they needed to consider themselves cycling newbies and be ready to learn.

In their 21 years of wedded bliss, David and Launda have worked through their fair share of communication issues. When you can finish each other’s sentences, coordinating your actions on a bike should be simple. What they learned by tandem biking is that it’s necessary to over-communicate, stop assuming and agree upon a shared language, especially when taking on a new, interconnected challenge.

The level of interdependence on the bike was a shock as well. Yes, in theory they knew that if David leaned one way, it would impact Launda and their joint stability on the tandem. In reality, even small shifts in foot or hand position can cause imbalance. Don’t even ask them about the challenges of crossing railroad tracks on a tandem. Painful memory, literally, but a valuable lesson learned about being more aware of unanticipated consequences of our actions.

Their experiences on the tandem are not that much different from what people in organizations experience, particularly after a long tenure. Try as we might, we forget how interconnected we are. We assume that people understand the things we say. We get caught up in our perspective and don’t consider the sweeping impact of our actions.

If you’ve been with your organization for a while (and maybe even if you haven’t), stop and consider what you may learn from the tandem bike experience. Are you taking your hands off the handlebars and not telling others that might be impacted? Be safe out there.

Please feel free to forward Humanergy’s blog to others who might find them helpful!

Photo courtesy of David and Launda Wheatley

People who bug you have the most to teach you

Posted on March 27, 2012 by humanergy

A wise woman said to me recently, “My goal is to spend more time with Sue Smith (not her real name). She really drives me nuts.” I was surprised, to say the least, as my friend is not one to suffer fools gladly. Noting my astonished reaction, she said, “You know, the people who bug you have the most to teach you.”

Carl Jung said, Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. In fact, some believe that what irritates you about others is something you dislike about yourself.

That means I must be prone to see the negative in a situation and am an immensely bad listener. Definitely some opportunities for growth there!

Who bugs you, and what can learn from them?

Do you think you could learn something from Humanergy? contact us

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Leadership requirement: X-ray vision

Posted on August 31, 2011 by humanergy

High performance leaders know how to read the pulse of the organization. They regularly adjust strategies and tactics based on their understanding of what is really going on. This type of X-ray vision is the ability to see the unknown, inner mechanism of people and organizations. Leaders with x-ray vision:

Understand the meaning behind surprises. When people are surprised it gives you insight to their internal landscape of beliefs and expectations. You will also learn more about your own assumptions and recognize that not everyone views the world as you do.

Gain insight from people’s emotions. When people have an emotional reaction, they are really communicating about something that is important to them. Conversely, if they are working hard to contain an emotional response, that also gives a clue that the issue is significant. Be aware of and sensitive to people’s responses, and your analysis will be better informed.

Recognize the importance of noise. We’ve all seen it. A seemingly minimal change creates a furor. People become frustrated, distracted and unproductive. This “noise” tells you that something isn’t right or a process is not working. Dig deeper and listen carefully to analyze what is happening, before you respond.

Watch for the vacuum. The signs are chaos, stress and an increasing number of unanswered questions. These symptoms indicate that some aspect of leadership isn’t being filled. Respond quickly with a clear vision and the direction that your people need to move forward. No matter what, the vacuum will be filled. It’s up to you to ensure that it happens productively.

Practice “show me.” When you’re fuzzy about what’s going on, get out of your office. Go connect with your people, see firsthand the challenges they encounter and observe how they resolve them. You will have a more complete picture of their world and be better equipped to support them in their work.

Practice “teach me.” There is no substitute for direct personal experience. You will further deepen your understanding (and credibility) if you ask others to teach you what they know. Ideally, you should then roll up your sleeves and grapple with this new task. You’ll be better able to strategically address gaps and foster learning when you know from experience how hard it is to get the job done.

Summarize their understanding for others. You’ve gone out there with your x-ray vision, and you think you’ve gleaned just the right information. Before you leap to making changes, restate your insights to others to make sure you’ve got it right. You need to be open to the possibility that other eyes “reading” the situation have picked up on a nuance you’ve missed.

Are fully present. X-ray vision requires that you are not caught up in your own head, your own thinking and your own agenda. In Mark Goulston’s blog on presence for Fast Company, he quotes Wilfred Bion about the importance of listening without memory or desire: “…when you listen with memory, you have an old agenda that you are trying to plug/maneuver someone into and when you listen with desire, you have a new agenda that you’re trying to do the same thing. In neither case are you listening to their agenda and in neither case are you present.”

X-ray vision gives you a new perspective on reality – allowing you to experience its full, connected complexity over time. It takes dedication and hard work to look beyond the surface as an ongoing discipline. As Alfred North Whitehead said, “It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious.”

Want to find out how you can acquire x-ray vision or teach this super-power to others? Contact Humanergy.

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Just confident enough

Posted on March 23, 2011 by humanergy

Self-confidence is a prerequisite for leadership. But like other laudable qualities, confidence must be kept in balance. Successful leaders believe in themselves and their capabilities. They also are not afraid to be wrong or make mistakes. They are bold, yet have their feet firmly planted in reality.

Heidi Grant Halvorson profiled Alan Greenspan in her blog post called Why Some Leaders Don’t Learn From Their Mistakes. Mr. Greenspan, she says, has yet to take any responsibility for inaction on the part of the Federal Reserve in the months and years before the financial crisis. Halvorson believes that Greenspan falls prey to what psychologists call self-serving bias. This is our protective brain telling us that if something goes wrong, it must be someone else’s fault. Conversely, success must be something we are responsible for creating.

So is it any wonder that organizational leaders become overconfident and forget that they’re fallible? How can you avoid the pitfall of being too sure of yourself?

Recognize limitations. Motivational speakers tout the “fact” that if you believe you can do something, then you can. Actually, the opposite is more universally true. If you don’t have confidence, you won’t succeed. Unfortunately, confidence doesn’t create competence, and sometimes people just can’t achieve something they really want.

Admit insecurities. The root of the self-serving bias is insecurity. If we really are not convinced that we deserve our position or know enough, our minds work overtime to compensate. It can be difficult to admit to insecurities. The consequences of not doing so are even more dire.

Practice curiosity. Leaders get paid to be certain, or at least that’s how it appears. Rather than thinking you have to know or decide something now, suspend judgment. Spend time asking questions and give yourself permission to find new answers. If you seek first to understand, you may find that there’s a world of unexplored possibilities you would have otherwise missed.

Change your mind. Because the new, curious you has ventured into uncharted territory, you may find that you’ve been wrong in the past. Be willing to change your mind about things that used to be certain.

Change your behavior. A confident leader seeks regular feedback and makes disciplined efforts to improve performance on an ongoing basis.

Cultivate genuineness. One behavior to change might be your leadership persona. Some organizational cultures overly-reward charisma and a brash leadership presence. Instead of bravado and fast talk, be authentic in your demeanor. When your bearing is driven by a desire to do your very best – to move the organization and its people forward – there can be no artifice. You must be the real you. Anything else is for the benefit of your own ego.

True confidence is rooted in humility. So don’t beat yourself up when things go wrong, and do take your lumps and learn from them. “Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life” (Golda Meir).

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

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Dangerous assumptions bosses make every day

Posted on February 23, 2011 by humanergy

Shawna left the meeting feeling like her hiring decision had been all wrong. Why couldn’t Hector manage this project on his own? When Shawna was in his role, she was able to make decisions and move forward with little direction from the boss. Maybe it was time to consider moving Hector into a job that fit his apparent abilities.

We all make assumptions, even if we think we don’t. We assume that the people around us have (or should have) the same knowledge, experiences, understanding, beliefs and feelings as ourselves. When we communicate, how often do we check our assumptions? We rarely do…until our differences become apparent, and then it’s often too late to repair the damage. What types of assumptions might you be making, and how can you avoid them?

My direct reports and I have the same knowledge or understanding of business realities. This assumption can easily be validated by having regular discussions with your team about the context and reality your organization faces, including the “big picture.” You may be surprised to know that they either don’t know as much as you think or need help in understanding the implications for their work. You need to actively engage to help them comprehend how what they do fits into the bigger scheme. Redouble your efforts to communicate as much information as you can. This will enable them to do their jobs now and anticipate future change.

I understand how my direct reports feel about their work. Most bosses only see part of the reality for their people, but rarely the whole unvarnished truth. Sometimes the issues are transient and don’t require your input. Other times, an employee may not want to share the full measure of his/her frustration for fear of being seen as negative. While you may not be in tune with the day-to-day angst, stay connected with your people so that you don’t miss a critical issue that could impact the team’s performance.

My direct reports know when I’m just joking around. Flippant, sarcastic and humorous remarks may seem innocuous to you. Your team may be interpreting these comments very differently – searching for hidden meanings, taking “digs” to heart or otherwise misconstruing your intent. Save yourself the grief and loss of productivity by minimizing your attempts at humor. Instead, state your intended messages very clearly.

My direct reports and I approach a task in the same way. One of the most dangerous assumptions is that your people (must) do their jobs in the same way you would. Even if you recently held a position, you may find that your successor organizes the work differently, uses his/her distinctive skills and draws upon completely unique life experiences. Keep your focus on the results you need and allow people to achieve them in their own best way.

You may think that you are assumption-free. But how many times have you thought, Everyone knows that…. or When I was in your role… or How can she possibly do it that way? Replace those thoughts with communication that clarifies, such as Tell me more about that or Give me an example or Help me understand.

One of the most powerful attributes of any team is its diversity of experience, skill and knowledge. Recognizing that you filter reality through your own lens, take time to first understand what you may take for granted. Then be diligent in seeking to better understand your team by asking open-ended questions and honoring their unique perspectives. When you do that, you enrich your own view of the world and become a more well-rounded leader. Avoiding dangerous assumptions also means a more engaged team, better results and maximum impact. Not a bad set of outcomes, we assume!

Have a question about this topic or want some input from Humanergy? Contact us!

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The dos and don’ts of communicating context

Posted on August 18, 2009 by humanergy

So much of what we try to communicate with others is context – the interrelated facts, conditions and background that give our message its full meaning.

Communicating context is tricky. Sometimes we share too much detail, and our main points get lost. At other times, we try to stick to the bare bones and don’t share any of the illuminating particulars.

Some helpful dos and don’ts for communicating context:

DON’T imply. When a message is sensitive, we sometimes balk at putting it into words. Don’t dance around the issue. Communicating in a clever or indirect way ensures misunderstanding.

DO share context directly. Use plain language to lay out the facts and the necessary background or peripheral information. Even a delicate topic is best approached unambiguously.

DON’T rely on nonverbal cues to add to the message. Nonverbals can be interpreted many different ways and can change the meaning of the message received. Nonverbal cues that don’t match the words you’re using will simply confuse the listener.

DO share your feelings and expectations along with the message. Be up front about your perspective and what you want to see happen, if anything. If your communication requires an action on the listener’s part, say so.

DON’T share too much. Share the minutia only if it is necessary. Resist the urge to communicate every detail, especially if it’s just to show how much you know.

DO share enough. Ask yourself, “What would I want to know about this situation if I were Person X?”

When you think you’ve got it right – that you’ve communicated just the right amount of info – check with the listener. Ask him or her to summarize the message in their own words. You may find that what you thought was crystal clear is still foggy. In communication, as in most endeavors, practice makes perfect.

Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!

Are you a sponge or a filter?

Posted on February 19, 2009 by humanergy

Today I’m going to be a sponge. When someone is communicating with me, I am going to soak in every nuance of the message.

What do I sometimes (usually?!) do when I’m “listening?” Continue my internal dialogue, which sounds something like this: “I really need to get some more bread on my way home. Did he just say to push back the deadline? That’s crazy?”

In other words, it’s all too easy for me to sorta kinda listen, while I use parts of my brain to attend to other business (like bread). This multi-tasking makes it impossible for me to really hear what the person is saying. I think I’m listening, but I’m not giving it my full attention.

How well can I be listening when I already have decided that the other person’s idea won’t work (a nice way of saying is crazy)? I’d like to say that I am an open-minded person, but this mid-conversation judging happens more than I’d like to admit.

So usually I’m more of a filter than a sponge. I only allow bits of the message to get through, because I attend to other things and jump too quickly to judge what’s said. And please do not ask me to pay attention to your nonverbals. Those won’t get through my filter. I’m much too busy creating a mental grocery list.

So how do I transform myself from a filter into a sponge? I thought you’d never ask.

Take pride in really understanding the other person’s unique viewpoint
When someone begins talking, put my other thoughts and needs on the back burner
Spend far less time and energy getting my own point across (don’t talk so much)
Watch body language and mention it when I’m getting cues I don’t understand (e.g., it seems like you’re upset)
After careful listening, summarize what I’ve heard to make sure I got it right

I may not get it right all the time, so I’m not setting my sights on being the ultra-absorbent model. I do want to be a better communicator, and I know that for me, it starts with being a better listener.