Maybe it’s the sour economic climate. Or the seemingly endless cold, snowy weather. Or my mountain of a to-do list. Seems like my life is a little out of control lately. Sometimes I over-react and try to control things that really aren’t mine to fix, just to find some sanity. (Hint: That doesn’t work.)
Finding balance and expending energy on the RIGHT stuff is getting harder to do.
In every situation, there are aspects that I can Control, Influence, Manage for and Accept. At Humanergy, we call that CIMA. (We really love acronyms, don’t we?)
What do I Control? I can’t control others’ attitudes, work habits or ideas. I can control my own thoughts, attitudes and choices. I choose to focus on what I can do. (And I choose to focus on the fact that it’s sunny today! It’s 8 degrees, but it’s sunny!)
Who do I Influence? Our choices influence others. Our behaviors can have enormous influence on those in our inner circle – our friends, family, siblings and close co-workers. Seek positive connections with others. And remember that even small things can make a difference in the world. I was walking my dog this morning and came across a very somber woman. I smiled and said “good morning” in my cheeriest tone. A tentative smile was returned, and perhaps she’ll share that smile with the next person down the road.
What can I Manage for? Even if we can’t directly control or influence something, we can take action to reduce the negative impact. Look ahead for the possible curve balls and plan now to moderate their effects. I moderated the impact of the weather by dressing appropriately. Was I cold? You bet. Did I walk anyway and reap the benefits? You bet.
What must I Accept? There are aspects of life that we can’t control, influence or even manage for completely. We cope, and that’s about it. I live in Michigan, and it’s going to be cold and gloomy a lot of the winter. I am resisting the urge to even comment on the weather, because feeling sorry for myself doesn’t change it. Accepting doesn’t mean liking it; it means not whining about it.
Next time you’re feeling out of control or the urge to control everything in sight, try these 4 questions to recalibrate:
What do I Control?
Who do I Influence?
What can I Manage for?
What must I Accept?
Try CIMA at work and at home. Everyone around you will marvel at your Buddha-like calm. You’ll feel better. You’ll be more productive. CIMA won’t produce a stock market rally or 80-degree weather, but those are amazing results!
Have a question or want some input from Humanergy about this topic? Contact us and we’ll get right back to you!
I used CIMA yesterday with fantastic results! The situation: An in-law with health issues. The goal: Get her the care she needs and help her make a full recovery. With careful, thoughtful preparation and some gut instincts, here’s how I applied CIMA:
C – I controlled my choices–the words I used and my personal feelings.
I – I leveraged my strong, yet objective connection with this person.
M – I managed for her objections by putting myself in her shoes with my pre-thinking and my on the spot feedback.
A – I accepted, in advance, that she would make her own decision.
More specifically, when she said the situation was a “war” – a “me” versus “them” approach, I responded with: “We’re all on the same team.”
Instead of saying: “I think you need to do this…” Or “You will do this,” I said “I recommend” and “I strongly suggest…”
I pulled on the heart strings by authentically saying “I want my spunky in-law back.”
I countered her short-term objections and inconveniences with big picture thinking and her WIIFMs (What’s in it for me?). For example, she indicated she’d be losing her independence while receiving this care. I said: “You’re putting life back into your years, can enjoy your family more and start doing the things you love again.”
Today, she/we are making headway towards the goal…she’s getting the care she needs! Thanks CIMA.
I’ve also used CIMA in several situations throughout my everyday life. Not only is it a great way to plan and manage for the future, it also helps keep you calm in stressful situations. I’ve explained CIMA to several family members and close friends, and now they are using it too! What a great tool!